The mind needs to discover things for itself
by Ely2
Summary: Complete!! AU post X2. Jean's dead, but that's the least of Scott's concerns
1. Default Chapter

Sometimes the mind needs to discover things for itself

By: Ely Q

Summary: AU after X2. Jean's death in X2 is the least of Scott's concerns.

A/N: Sorry to all the comic fans: I'm a Johnny-Come-Lately and only know as much about the X-Men as one who's watched both movies a couple of times and did a little bit of research online. Therefore, all of my plot/ characterization/ back story, etc. comes from the movies, not the comics - which I've never read. If this bothers anyone, I won't be offended if you don't read. In addition, if I made any glaring, unforgivable errors, please let me know, and I'll try to correct it in later chapters.

A/N two: Evan is my own character, as far as I know there are no mutants with his power.

**Chapter 1**

            Scott Summers stretched out on his back, staring at the ceiling of his new bedroom. Sleep hadn't come easily for him in the week since Jean's death, and he had tried to fix that by moving into a smaller room - a room without the sights, smells and memories of the woman he'd never hold again. Alas, he had just been fooling himself. It hadn't been the room that kept him awake every night. Instead it was his mind, which continuously played over the scene at Alkali Lake, torturing him with scenarios that could have been. Scenarios that could have saved Jean.

            Scott rolled over onto his side, unconsciously curling up into the fetal position, as tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes, only to evaporate immediately as they came into contact with his gift. 

            _Ha! Gift. What good is it, when it couldn't be used to save Jean? _

Quiet sobs racked Scott's body until pure exhaustion overwhelmed him, and he fell asleep. But his sleep was no more restful than being awake, as nightmares often flitted across his mind's eye. But, in a way, Scott preferred the nightmares to the dreams in which Jean was still alive, laying next to him and embracing him. When those dreams visited him, they made it so much worse to wake up again - to wake up and find out the real nightmare was his life.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            The Professor and Storm sat in his office, neither knowing how to talk about anything except Jean's death. And since that subject had been talked about too much, they remained silent, content with just being with each other. The Professor was happy just to have one of his children with him, afraid what would happen if he were left to his own thoughts. For Storm, the Professor would always be a comforting influence on her. No matter how old she was, she would always see him as all-knowing and indestructible.

            A knock echoed around the room, and Logan entered. The other two turned to face him, not saying anything as he sat down in the second chair in front of the Professor's desk. They waited patiently until he said what he came to say. They didn't have to wait long until Logan took a deep breath.

            "Evan finished at Alkali Lake." Both the Professor and Storm visibly steeled themselves, waiting to hear the news from their resident Gill-boy. He had spent the last couple of days at the flooded area, swimming and looking for any evidence. Any body. "He didn't find her. There's no body to bury." 

            Logan clenched his jaw, looking out the window with tears in his eyes. "I-" His voice broke, and he looked down at the hands in his laps. The hands that were, in the end, as useless as Cyclops' eyes. "I'm sorry."

            Logan stood and quickly left the room. Storm closed her eyes for a few seconds, only to open them and see the Professor hunched up in his chair, tears streaming down his face. Sobs racked his body as he grieved yet again for his daughter. Seeing her mentor broken was worse than anything else Storm had faced. Gathering him in her arms, they cried together.

            When there were no tears left, she gently pulled away from him, and he was too embarrassed to meet her eyes. _Thank you, my dear. I needed that. _Storm smiled as she heard his tired voice in her head.

            "Of course, Professor."

            "Will you please go get Scott? I would like to be the one to tell him this."

            "Of course."

            Storm rubbed furiously at her red-rimmed eyes. It would not be good for any of the children to see her like this. It would be even worse for Scott to see her like this; he would guess immediately that all hope of having Jean home in any way was gone. Storm quickly made her way through the halls and up the stairs to Scott's new room. She had no doubt that that was where he'd be. He had barely left the room for the last week, only venturing out into the mansion for brief meetings with the Professor, and once when the Professor asked him to take a meal with the students, so that they could know how he was doing. He had been obviously putting up a front through the whole night, and was undoubtedly exhausted from the ruse by the time he retired for the night.

            Storm rapped her knuckles against the heavy wooden door.

            "Scott?" She heard rustling movement inside the room, and could tell Scott had been lying down. Soon, the door cracked open, and she could barely see his visor and rumpled hair. No lights were on inside the room, and the curtains were drawn tight against the sun.

            "Hi, Scott." No response. "Um...the professor would like to see you in his office." There was an almost imperceptible nod from Scott before he closed the door again. Storm sighed and walked away, knowing Scott would need a few minutes before he was ready. She went back to the Professor's office and knocked on his door.

            _Thank you, Ororo. If you don't mind, I'd think it would be easier if it were just Scott and myself._

_            Of course, Professor. I'll be in my room if you need me._

The Professor was next to the window, looking out but not seeing anything, when a second knock sounded at his door.

            _Come in Scott. Thank you for responding so quickly._

The door creaked as the leader of the X-Men entered his surrogate father's office. He didn't say anything, and the Professor had yet to turn away from the window.

            "Have a seat, Scott." Scott did so, and the Professor finally turned around to greet him. No traces of the tears that had marred his face just a few minutes ago were visible. Stopping in front of his first student, the Professor drew in a shaky breath.

            "Scott. Evan finished at Alkali Lake." Scott's entire body stiffened; he clenched his jaw and turned his head. Even after dealing with the visor for more than a decade, he still instinctively would not meet anyone's eyes when overcome with emotion. He didn't want anyone to see weakness, even though intellectually he knew that all they would see was the red of his glasses.

            "I'm sorry, Scott. He couldn't find Jean."

            Scott released the breath he had been holding and lowered his head.

            "Thank you, Professor." He stood and walked toward the door. Stopping before he opened it, he slightly turned his head but did not look back completely. "I would like some time off. I can't be here anymore. She's here...everywhere."

            "Of course, Scott. You could have asked a week ago. Take as much time as you need."

            Scott nodded briefly, opened the door and left. As he was closing the door behind him, the Professor's voice sounded in his mind.

            _I'm sorry, my son. I love you._

            A sharp pain stung through Scott's heart. He stumbled back to his room, mind focused only on packing his things and leaving the mansion far behind. He didn't think he'd ever be able to come back, but he couldn't tell the Professor that. He didn't think the Professor would allow him to indulge in such self-pity when the mission still needed to be fought. He certainly couldn't tell the Professor that if he allowed himself to, he wouldn't be _here_ anymore. He would be with his Jean. He would have preferred to be with her at the end, but Logan wouldn't let him. And that was another thing he felt guilty for - he was afraid that it wasn't Logan that stopped him from dying in the end. He was afraid that he hadn't been strong enough, and had let Logan stop him. He felt that was the ultimate betrayal to Jean.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            As the rest of the teachers and students of Xavier's School for the Gifted sat down for dinner, Scott stole down to the garage. Throwing a couple of bags into the backseat of the BMW, he slid into the seat. He revved the engine, opened the garage door and pulled out. He drove slowly and carefully down the driveway. He may have been taking a break from the teaching, but he was still a teacher at heart; he knew that his actions taught more than words.  As much as he loved fast vehicles, he also respected them and wanted the students to learn to respect them as well. 

            However, once he was out of sight of the school, his need to be as far away from all things Jean forced him to speed up, and he was soon going much faster than the speed limit. A twinge of regret filled him for not saying goodbye to the others, especially Ororo and Bobby, but he didn't think he would've been able to leave if he had seen the pain in their eyes. The Professor would have to tell them why he left. Hopefully, they would forgive him, but as he still didn't know if he would ever be returning to Westchester, it wasn't a major concern. His main concern was getting away. Far, far away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

            The Professor's mind was obviously not on the discussion at the dinner table, and Ororo finally called him on it. He sighed as he felt Scott's troubled and grieving mind slip further and further away from his home. He wished he could have done more for Scott while he was here, but Xavier also knew that this vacation was very important for Scott's healing. Finally turning to face Storm, Logan and Kurt, he spoke to them at the same time he spoke to the students in their minds.

            _Children, I have an announcement to make._

The dining hall instantly fell silent as various conversations screeched to a halt.

            _I know this last week has been hard for all of us. I appreciate the strength you have all shown. I also appreciate the help you have given to me, Scott and the other teachers, and I hope that you all feel comfortable coming to talk to us with your troubles._

_            I'm sure you all know that this time has been exceptionally hard for Scott. As such, he and I have discussed it, and we feel that it would be best if he took some time off. He has left just now, and I do not know when he will be returning._

_            The other teachers and I have not yet determined what we will do about Scott's classes, but I trust all of you will be patient until we have done so. I also trust you will help the teacher assigned to fill in for him to fit in and catch up to his lesson plan._

_            I am taking the time to tell all of you this now because I do not want there to be any whispers, gossip or speculation on any of this. Thank you for your attention; please feel free to finish your meals._

The students sat in stunned silence for a few seconds before cautiously returning to their food and conversations. But dinner was more subdued, as all of the students did not know how to deal with the idea that Scott - the leader of the X-men, their teacher and, most importantly, the one person everyone would agree was the most stable, constant and comforting presence at Westchester- was gone. Possibly for weeks. Possibly even longer than that. This, on top of Jean's death, was too much for many of the students to handle.

            After the Professor's announcement, Ororo turned to him with a shocked expression on her face. 

            "Scott...left?"

            "Yes, Ororo. He and I both felt that some time off was appropriate."

            "Oh, I agree. But I just wish he didn't have to leave for that. I feel like I owe it to Jean to keep an eye on him - make sure he's alright."

            "He'll be fine, Ro. He's a strong boy; it'll just take some time."

                                                            *                      *                      *

            The first night away from the school, Scott spent in New York. He hadn't wanted to drive too far from Westchester on the first day. Primarily because he still wasn't sure where he wanted to go. The only problem was that everywhere he looked were reminders of Jean. He didn't know if there was anywhere he could travel that was far enough away that it didn't have physical reminders of her. Finally giving up, he returned to his hotel and went to bed. It was 7:00.

            After yet another sleepless night of tossing himself around the bed, Scott woke up determined to escape from his endless nightmare. He checked out of the hall, climbed into the BMW and drove toward the Interstate. He picked a random direction and just drove, letting the road take him where it wanted to.

            As cities turned to suburbs, and as suburbs turned to open countryside and farms, the sun slowly made its way across the sky. Night fell, but Scott couldn't handle thinking about another sleepless night of pain. He kept driving and driving. Minutes turned to hours, and soon the sun rose again for another trek across the blue sky. And still Scott kept driving. Obviously, he had to stop for gas a few times, and even remembered to eat once. If he had been thinking clearly, he could've felt the lack of sleep and nourishment catching up with him. He would have noticed his head starting to droop, and his eyes getting heavier. But he didn't notice. The only thing he could still feel was the pain in his heart. 

            As the second night fell around him, the lights of the oncoming cars started to blur together, and they began to bother his sensitive eyes. He closed them for what he thought was a second, only to open them to the sound of horns blaring. This time, when he saw the headlights, they were directly in front of him. It was too late to do anything. He slammed on his brakes; the tires squealed. Clenching his eyes tight right before the impact, he felt the BMW slam into the large SUV. The last thought that went through his head was one of relief. He would soon be with Jean.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Dr. Dave Starr, well into his tenth hour on call, looked up from the file he was looking at as two ambulances screamed to a stop right outside the emergency room doors. Dropping the file, he grabbed his stethoscope and ran to the doors, right behind several of his co-workers. 

            The paramedics were hopping out of the vehicle by the time the doctors and nurses reached them. The lead paramedic started to shout out vitals, while her partner quickly told Dave what happened.

            "BMW meets SUV. Not a pretty sight, I can assure you. This is Mr. BMW. Major trauma to the head, two broken ribs and internal bleeding. The SUV is in Jim's unit." Dave glanced over to the second ambulance to see three other doctors over there. That settled it - he'd stay with Mr. BMW.

            Belting out orders to the nurses running on the other side of the gurney, Dave quickly thought about different procedures, and just as quickly discarded them. 

            "Jack!" The nurse next to him perked up, waiting for his next orders. "There's too much blood around the forehead - take these damn sunglasses off. What the hell was he doing wearing sunglasses at this time of day. Maybe that's what caused the accident."

            Jack quickly did as asked. Once the glasses were off, he wiped down the patient's forehead and nose area, where most of the blood was. And Dave went back to work.

*                      *                      *

            The door of the exam room that Dave was desperately trying to sleep in muffled the sounds of a busy emergency room. But it was no use – Dave knew he wouldn't be able to get any sleep, which is why it was no surprise when Jack opened the door and poked his head into the room. He was met with a growl from the bed, as Dave didn't even bother to lift his head up to look at the intruder.

            "What?"

            "Mr. BMW is coming around. I thought you'd like to be there for that."

            Dave didn't respond right away, and for a second, Jack was concerned that he had fallen back asleep. 

            "Dave?" 

            Dave bolted up into a sitting position. 

            "Yep, yep. I'm coming." He furiously rubbed his eyes, swung his legs over the side of the bed and went back to work.

            Dave and Jack entered the room where Mr. BMW was at the same time. The patient tossed his head back and forth, made several moaning sounds, and, finally, opened his eyes. He was obviously confused and looked at the two hospital staff members with apprehension.

            "What happened?" Mr. BMW's voice was scratchy and pain-filled. Jack winced, feeling sorry for their patient.

            Dave stepped to the right side of the bed and looked down at the patient. On the way, he grabbed his chart to have something to hold onto. Even after a few years of this kind of stuff, Dave was still uncertain of his bedside manner, and he liked having something to putz with.

            "Hello, sir. You were in a car accident. Can you remember anything?" A look of terror washed over Mr. BMW's face, as his hands unconsciously clutched at the bed sheet.

            "No. I can't remember _anything_."

            "Are you serious?" Mr. BMW nodded his head, tears of fear filling his eyes. Jack and Dave looked at each other. 

            "I'll call Psych," Jack said, quickly leaving the room. Anger filled Dave at the nurse's hasty reaction, especially when the patient looked at him, pleading him with his eyes and fear in his voice.

            "I'm not crazy." 

            "Of course not, sir. Psych assists us with cases like this, as well. They will consult with our neurology experts to determine the best way to help you regain your memory." The patient sighed, relaxing slightly. Dave went over to the counter and started to look at the possessions that were brought in with the patient.

            "I'm going to see if you had any identification on you. Unfortunately, your car started on fire shortly after the accident, so the rescue workers could not salvage all of you belongings." As the doctor had no luck with pocket after pocket, he started to feel discouraged that he would find anything to help the poor man. When the search was over, he found a wallet full of money, but no ID, a receipt from a McDonalds and some change.

            Dave turned to face the patient, holding out his few possessions helplessly. "Sorry. No luck." The patient deflated, and he obviously started racking his brain for memories again. A knock at the door announced Jack's return. The lead psychologist and his current student followed the nurse into the room. 

            "Dr. Starr." Dr. Thimmons reached out to shake his hand, then turned to introduce his student. "This is Eve Crawford. I believe she'll be on her E.R. rotation next month." He looked to the younger girl for confirmation, which she provided with a slight nod of her head and a smile at Dave. All three doctors turned to the patient, who was watching them interact.

            "Dr. Thimmons... Eve. This young man was in a car accident last night. His primary injuries were to his head, which may be the cause of his current state."

            Dr. Thimmons spent a few seconds looking at the patient's chart to familiarize himself with the patient and to develop a plan for the best way to interview him. Finally, he pulled one of the chairs over to the bedside, sat down and smiled at the patient. Eve whipped out a pad of paper and pen, poised to take notes.

            "Hi, there."

            The patient just stared at the doctor, not knowing how to act, what to say. 

            "So, Dr. Starr here says that you don't remember anything. Even your name?"

            "No. Nothing."

            "Hmmm. What about facts? Can you tell me what month it is? Who the President is?"

            "May. Bush, Jr."

            Dr. Thimmons leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs, obviously pleased at his answers.

            "Good. Good. You know some things, just not the important things. Do you know how old you are? What you do? You drove a BMW. How did you afford that?"

            His eyes scrunched up, fighting back tears of frustration, as he roughly shook his head.

            "I don't know."

            "Okay. Let's move on for now. Now, you can stay in the hospital while you heal. Dr. Starr, is there any family we can call to care for him and expose him to familiar places and people - hopefully, that will jumpstart his memory."

            Dave pursed his lips, shaking his head no. 

            "Hmm. Don't worry about it right now. Can you do something for me? I want to be able to call you something. Can you just clear your mind and tell me the first name that comes to mind. Now that might be your real name and it might not be. But I'm going to let you determine that, ok?"

            The patient took a deep breath, closed his eyes and leaned back against his pillow. He continued to breath deeply as he tried to push all of his worry over to one side of his mind.

            _Jean._

_            No! That can't be my name. That's a girl's name. I may not know who I am, but I'm definitely not a girl!_

Another deep breath.

            _Cyclops._

_            CYCLOPS!! Those are mythical creatures. If I told them that I wanted to be called Cyclops, they really would think I'm crazy! My God._

A slight shake of the head and two more breaths.

            "Come on now. The first name that pops into your head."

            _Logan?  I feel hatred toward that name. But a lot of people hate their names.  Logan. Logan. Hmm. It's better than my first two."_

"Logan."

            "Okay, Logan. Open your eyes again. I want to talk about how we're going to handle this. With amnesia cases, it's not an exact science. We can't say for sure what's causing you to not remember anything. It could be the trauma to your head, but we don't know if your memory will return once you heal. For many people, it's a long, hard healing process. There may be some memories that you never get back. And some that you wished you didn't regain. Do you think you can handle that?"

            Logan nodded, trying not to show his fear in his eyes.

            "I'm sad that we don't have any information to remind you with, or people or a home for that matter. But don't let that discourage you. As for right now, Eve and I will find a place for you to stay by the time the hospital decides to release you. I think now you should rest. You still have a bit of healing to do."

            Logan watched as Dr. Thimmons, Dr. Starr and Jack left the room. Eve was the last to leave. When she reached the door, she turned back to him and smile.

            "Don't worry, Logan. We'll help you."

            His heart fluttered as she left, and he smiled as well. _Well, if Thimmons asks me what I look for in a girl, I'll at least be able to answer that._

The lights, now dim, faded even more as his eyes closed.  The pain killers going through his system were lulling him into that place between sleep and dreaming. Images of people fighting, of a woman controlling the lightning, of a flood boring down on him - they all filled his mind, and he wondered again if he really was crazy. Then he couldn't remember anymore; sleep took him.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Logan's injuries caused him to sleep most of the next few days, as his body desperately tried to recover from its ordeal. When he wasn't sleeping, Eve and Dr. Thimmons took turns helping him to try and remember his past. The police recovered a New York license plate, and he remembered he was from Westchester. But there were no Logans reported missing, and he didn't match the description of anyone who had been reported. He also had no explanation for why he was so far from home.

            One flash in his brain made him think that maybe he was a schoolteacher. That possible memory seemed so real - and so more realistic than the other memories going through his head...the ones he could never tell the doctors about. However, there was no evidence for this memory either. And that certainly didn't explain how he could afford to drive a BMW.

            All in all, Logan was getting very frustrated. And the endless questions from Eve's mouth during the current session were certainly not helping. Not being able to take it anymore, he released all of his fear and tension out on her.

            "Will you just SHUT UP already? I don't know. I don't know anything. Just leave me ALONE!" Eve recoiled as if she had been slapped, and Logan immediately felt sorry. He liked Eve, and not just because she was so pretty. She treated him differently than Thimmons. The older doctor acted as if he was a problem to be solved, whereas Eve cared more for how he felt about everything. 

            He sighed, and looked away. She started to gather up her notes.

            "I think we should maybe be done for today."

            "Look. I'm sorry. I just don't know what I'm going to do."

            "It's okay." She stood and headed to the door. Her hand was on the knob when Logan spoke again.

            "Eve?" His voice was so quiet and scared that she thought she imagined it at first. Turning around, she was struck by how young he looked. He raised his eyes to meet hers, and she could see the fear of rejection in them.

            "Could you maybe tell me a little bit about you. I would like to know you, and it might make me feel better to have a conversation with someone who knows their past."

            Eve smiled and headed back to the chair she had been sitting in. She put her notes down on the floor next to him and scooted her chair closer to him than she usually sat.

            "What would you like to know?" He smiled at her, and it reminded her of the popular, pretty boys of her high school. Like back then, she didn't know how to respond and blushed instead. She cast her eyes down, ashamed of her reaction. She berated herself in her mind. _He's a patient, Eve._  _Moreover, he might not even be available!_

"Everything."

            "Well...uh, I grew up in a small town about twenty minutes from here. I have two brothers, one older and one younger. Billy acts like he's older than me, too, and they take great pride in being overprotective." Logan laughed at that, which relaxed Eve. She leaned forward in her chair and continued.

            "My mom is a lawyer, and Dad's an accountant. They are both very supportive of me, which helps with all the work I've had to do lately. Ummm. I can't say that I'm one of those people who 'always knew they wanted to be a doctor'. But I don't regret my choice. 

            I'll be done with this rotation soon, then the E.R. rotation, and then I'm done with my schooling. I don't know where I'll be going after that. I'd like to stay here. The people are wonderful and so knowledgeable. And plus, it's close to my family. We're a very tight bunch. We have dinner together once a week, and Billy still lives there - he's a senior in high school. There was a big gap between us. 

            Ummm. I only have a few really close friends. My friend Lisa is my best friend. She's also studying medicine. We don't go out a lot. And...uh. The last boyfriend I had was about a year and a half ago. My life isn't really conducive to that kind of thing." Her face flamed in embarrassment talking about her love life. Or lack thereof. She didn't want him to see how completely smitten she was with him. It was already making it difficult to work with him, but she couldn't ask Thimmons to take her off the case without a good reason, and there was no way she'd tell him the truth. It was just so unprofessional. 

            She was afraid to look up and meet his eyes until she gained control of herself again. When she finally did, she found him staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes held hers for a few seconds with a deep intensity that was almost a little frightening, yet also set her heart racing. Shame filled her again, and she was the first to look away.

            "Sorry, Logan. It's time for me to go. Rest well; I'll see you tomorrow night."

            She was already out the door and almost had it closed by the time he said good night.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: As I said before, I only know stuff from the movies. While I do know a little bit about the whole Pheonix thing, I don't know enough to convincingly write about it. As such, my story will not deal with it. For purposes of this story, just assume that Jean just survived it as I describe later.****

**Chapter 3**

            Ororo stood at the front of her classroom, watching the young students filing out. She could tell they didn't enjoy her teaching approach as much as Scott. A pang of longing to see her friend filled her heart, and once again she found herself wondering how he was doing. Sighing, she gathered her materials together and followed the students out of the room, closing the door behind her.

            _Ororo! Come to my office as soon as possible! _The Professor's voice practically shouting in her head shocked her, and she almost dropped all of her papers.  Leaning against the wall with a hand pressed against her chest, she breathed deeply for a few seconds before hurrying to the Professor's office. She was very interested in why he sounded so _happy_.

            She knocked once on the door and opened it, only to be met by the Professor, Logan and Kurt. Even more confused, she shut the door softly behind her. She and the others looked at the Professor expectantly, not sure of what to make of the large grin on his face.

            "As some of you already know, I was in Cerebro this morning, looking for new children in need of our help. Instead I found an old child of mine." The Professor had to stop, too overcome with emotion to continue speaking aloud, afraid his voice would betray how very affected he was by the turn of events. _While my mind was open and searching, I heard a very faint call for me. I focused all of my attention on that call, and I will be eternally grateful that I did so. I need the three of you to get the Blackbird ready and go out to Alkali Lake._ The Professor paused and took the time to meet all of their eyes.

            "The call came from Jean." Startled gasps filled the room, and Ororo had to sit down suddenly. Logan, who had been sitting, surged to his feet, ready for action. Kurt immediately started praying, giving thanks for this miracle. The Professor smiled at their reaction, gave them a few seconds to deal with the revelation, then cleared his throat and raised his eyebrow. This gentle reminder had them all turning to the door. Letting the men go ahead of her, Ororo turned back around, went to the Professor and wrapped him in a hug. They both had tears in their eyes when she pulled away.

            "Does Scott know?" The Professor shook his head.

            "Not yet. I'm going back to Cerebro right now to locate him and tell him the good news. Hopefully, he'll be able to make it back home in good time. I know they'll want to be together."

            "I'm sure." Ororo smiled fondly at her mentor and ran to catch up with the other two.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            There was still so much water everywhere, but some of it had drained away, leaving dry patches here and there. Ororo landed the 'Bird on one of these patches as close as she could to where the call to the Professor came from. As soon as they were safely on the ground, all three raced for the exit, eager to find Jean and bring her home. Once outside, Ororo started heading for the coordinates the Professor gave them.

            The trek was not easy. Stumbling through the mud, Ororo tried to hurry, but only got herself horribly dirty in the process. Climbing over one particularly high patch, she saw Jean lying on the ground just a few yards away. She looked like a drowned rat, but she was _alive_! Letting out a shout of joy, Ororo floundered through the last couple of steps, falling to her knees at her friend's side. Ororo let the tears fall freely while she felt for Jean's vitals and started to administer first aid. 

            The other two fell to the ground next to her and started to assist. Once they were assured that she was safe for travel, Kurt wrapped his arms around her and poofed back to the 'Bird. Two more trips brought Logan and Ororo back as well, and they were soon in the air and heading to Westchester. Ororo, scared for her friend, thought the trip lasted intolerably longer than it should have, but finally they saw the mansion in the distance. Bringing the plane to rest in its home under the basketball court, they were met by the Professor and Hank McCoy, who immediately started caring for Jean. The Professor and the others stood to the side of the room, unwilling to let her out of their sight now that they had her home safe again.

            "When will Scott be home, Professor?"

            A troubled expression fell over Xavier's face. _I do not know. I couldn't find him. I don't have an explanation for that. I will try again after dinner. _Ororo also found it odd that Cerebro couldn't locate Scott. Her worry couldn't last long, though, in the face of the joy of Jean's rescue. She absent-mindedly dismissed her concern, knowing the Professor would find Scott later tonight.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Jean woke up about two hours after they had brought her home. Too weak to talk, she allowed the Professor to read her mind and share her story with their friends.

            _I knew I couldn't hold the water back for much longer, and I desperately tried to think of some other way to save myself. I had been prepared to die to save all of you, but I certainly wasn't about to give up without a fight._

_            At the last moment, as I lost control and the water hit me, I pulled together enough strength to keep a small bubble around myself. I swam to the surface and managed to find the dry patch where I've been the last couple of days. Exhausted, I lost consciousness and have been in a delirious state. Just earlier today was the first time I had been strong and clear-minded enough to try and reach the Professor. I'm glad he was in Cerebro at the time, and open to even the weakest of thoughts._

            When Jean finished her story, it was clear that she was exhausted again. On top of that, the IV Hank had inserted was giving her the nutrients she had been sorely missing. All of this meant that Jean was quickly falling asleep, but not before she could have one last thought.

            _Scott?_

The Professor smiled at her and reached out to grab her hand. _He was devastated after that day. He needed some time away, which I readily granted him. Do not worry, I will contact him, and he will be home to help you recover as soon as he is able._

Jean smiled, drifting off into sleep.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            The Professor spent over two hours in Cerebro and still could not locate Scott. Even more concerned, he tried the more mundane method and called Scott's cell phone. No answer. The Professor was becoming more and more worried, sure that something was wrong with his son, but he didn't even know where to begin looking for him. The X-men couldn't be sent out to help their leader. 

            All they could do was wait and hope.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

            Logan had healed enough that the hospital would not keep him anymore. As he still did not know who he truly was and, therefore, didn't have a home to go to, Eve helped him out. She talked to her aunt, who ran a Bed and Breakfast about twenty miles from the hospital, agreed to let Logan stay there until he recovered his memory. In exchange, Logan said he would help her care for the home and its guests. Every day, when Eve was done with her shift at the hospital, she would come out to visit him and help him acclimate to his new life. She bought him clothes and helped him learn his way around town. To justify these rather unorthodox visits, Eve told herself that she was also helping him remember things. However, their conversations were less and less about his past, and more often about the present.

            Days turned into weeks until, one day, Logan realized it had been two months since the day he woke up in the hospital. He realized he no longer wondered about his past every second, as he had the first couple of weeks. The dreams of fighting and teaching were few and far between. And he found himself daydreaming about a future here, in this town with the people he had met and who had helped him so much. A future with Eve.

            Sitting in his room at the Bed and Breakfast, he made a decision that day. The past was past. He was not going to try to get it back anymore. If it ever did come back to him, he'd deal with it then. But from now on, he'd live his life. 

            A knock at the door startled from his thoughts, and he smiled as Eve popped her head in. 

            "Hi!" Seeing that he was decent, she let herself in all the way. Sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him, she looked at him with a conspiratorial smirk on her face. Her enthusiasm for whatever adventure she had come up with for today infected him, and Logan found himself smirking back with a glint in his eye.

            "What?"

            "I have the perfect idea for today's excursion." She paused for dramatic effect, lifting her arms to punctuate her next words. "Miniature. Golf."

            Logan barked in laughter, shaking his head at her.

            "You're on."

            They headed out the door, and Logan watched the woman who had become his entire life bound down the stairs in front of him.

            _Hello, life!_

*                      *                      *

            After Eve completely thrashed him at mini golf, Logan bought her ice cream, and they ate it at the beach. Sitting quietly for a while, they stared out at the ocean and let the breeze flow through their hair. Logan stretched out in the sand and stared up at the blue sky. Eve surreptitiously glanced over at him, struck by how closely his eyes matched the color of the sky. She stretched out next to him, ignoring the pang in her heart at how perfect this day had been.

            _He's still your patient, Eve. Don't get too close! Hell, he might have a wife and kids, for all you know!_

"Eve?" Logan's voice was a mere whisper compared to the crash of the waves against the beach.

            "Hmm?" She turned onto her side, facing him as he continued to look up at the sky with an unreadable expression on his face. He didn't say anything for a while, and she started getting curious about what was weighing so heavily on his mind. Finally, he let out the air he had been holding in and turned on his side toward her. Their faces were mere inches apart, and their eyes met.

            "I don't care anymore."

            "What?"

            "I don't want to know about my other life anymore. This is my life now. It's time to give up. No more sessions trying to unlock the mysteries of my mind. I'm going to live out my life as Logan....uh. Logan whatever-I-decide-to make-my-last-name. I'm going to get a real job and apartment and live my life."

            Eve frowned. "Are you sure? It doesn't bother you not to know?"

            "I think it will always bother me on some level. And who's to say I won't remember someday. But why wait around for a day that may never come."

            "Ok. Just let me know how I can help."

            "I will." He smiled at her, and their eye contact went on immeasurably long. Their breathing slowed and a thrill went through Eve's heart as Logan lifted his head and moved closer to her. After waiting so long to be able to act on her feelings, the kiss came quicker than she expected it would. One second she had been lying next to him; now she was wrapped in his arms, his lips moving against hers in the best kiss she ever had received. Convinced she was just dreaming again, she opened her eyes to prove it wasn't real. But it was, and her heart hurt it was so happy.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Two weeks later, Logan, the newest employee at the hospital's records office, was packing up his boxes and preparing to move from the only home he knew. His plan to move into his own apartment had been modified slightly since the day at the beach. He was moving into Eve's apartment. Everyone said they were moving too fast, but they both knew it had been months in coming. He put his last possession in the box - funny how only two months of existence can provide three boxes of stuff. He wondered how many boxes his old life would have required.

            Eve's old Ford Taurus honked outside his window. Looking out, Logan waved at his girlfriend, as she bounded inside the Bed and Breakfast. Hearing her footsteps pound up the stairs, he flung open his door and wrapped her up in a huge embrace. He spun her around, put her down and kissed her senseless. When he let her go, her face was flushed, and she had one hand on the sunglasses sitting on top of her head. She beamed at Logan - sometimes she thought she was never without a smile when he was around.

            "You ready?"

            "Sure thing." He reached over to grab the lightest box and held it out for her, while he grabbed the other two. He paused to take one last look at his room, sighed and closed the door on that chapter of his life.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            It took about an hour to unpack Logan's things and move them into Eve's small apartment. They decided to celebrate by ordering in and watching a movie. Leaning against the headboard of her bad, with Eve sitting in front of him and leaning back against his chest, Logan didn't think he could have been anywhere better.

            He barely paid any attention to the movie; he was too busy waiting for her to put her guard down, and then he'd tickle her until she couldn't breathe. _Speaking of which..._ His nimble fingers attacked her sides, and she leaped forward, shrieking as she tried to get away. After a few seconds, he took pity on her, and she laid sprawled out on the bed, arms and legs akimbo as she panted and glared at him.

            "Y'know, I'm beginning to rethink this whole living together thing. You're an asshole."

            He smirked at her. Slowly, a grin lit up her face and a mischievous look glinted in her eye. Lunging into a sitting position, she turned the tables on him and started tickling his sides. She lost the enthusiasm, however, when he continued to just sit there, smirking at her.

            "You're not ticklish."

            "Apparently not."

            "Argh!"

            "C'mon back here," He motioned with his arms that he wanted her to lean against him again.

            "I don't think so, buddy."

            "I promise! No more tickling...tonight."

            She laughed and curled herself back into his embrace. They cuddled quietly for a few minutes, watching the movie play out on the screen in front of them.

            "Eve?" Logan whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. 

            "Yeah?" She whispered back, turning her head slightly.

            "Thank you." She turned to face him fully, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Pulling him in for a deep kiss, they quickly forgot about the movie.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Eve sat across the lunch table from her brother Billy, amused by his reaction whenever she mentioned Logan's name. He was among the people who thought they moved too quickly, but she figured her baby brother wouldn't like any guy she dated, even if she dated him for five years. As much as she loved him for it, it was starting to grate on her nerves. He raised the issue every time they got together - which was at least once a week.

            "Look, Eve. All I'm saying is the guy's got AMNESIA! You don't know anything about him."     

            "I know, Billy. But neither does he."

            "That doesn't make it alright! He could be married. He could be a rapist. He could be CATHOLIC!"

            Eve almost spit out her water at his last statement. Looking up, she realized he had been joking about the last one, but that the other arguments were still viable.

            "Look. I know. But I like him. I'm not saying there's not going to be problems. There'd be problems with any relationship. I mean, Joe knew who he was, and he still cheated on me with his ex."

            "Yeah." Billy took a drink of his water and leaned forward, looking into his sister's eyes with compassion and concern written all over his face. "And Eve, you were seriously messed up for months. I just don't want to see you hurt again."

            Eve reached out to grab her brother's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know, and I love you for it. But if it's one thing I learned from the whole thing with Joe is that you have to look out for the good guys. And Logan...he might not have been a good guy before, but he is now. And I'm just going to have to take the chance that he was, too."

            Billy sighed, looking down at his empty plate. "Ok. I trust you, Eve." He took another sip of water. "So...when do I get to meet Mr. Perfect?"

            Eve grinned widely. "As soon as I can prepare him for your ruthless questions about his intentions."

            Billy snickered.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Logan was looking at his very empty side of the closet. Despite a few shopping trips with Eve, he still had very little in the way of possessions, but this was the first time he felt the loss. He desperately wanted to look nice for this evening - the evening all men fear: meeting the Dad and brothers. And, even worse, the mom. Logan released a shaky breath, clenched his jaw and grabbed the nicest shirt he had. The blue matched his eyes, which was the reason Eve made him buy it. Grabbing a tie and slacks, he quickly dressed.

            He had just finished when the front door of the apartment opened, heralding Eve's return from work. 

            "Shit." He smiled when he heard her angry mutterings. "Shit, shit, shit."

            He walked out of the bathroom, prepared to fill the role of supportive boyfriend if necessary. 

            "Hi."

            "Oh, Logan. I'm running late - there was a big accident that we had to deal with about half an hour ago."

            "No problem. Don't worry; there's plenty of time to get ready for dinner."

            "I know. I know. I'm just scared that this is an omen for tonight." She winked at him, laughter in her voice.

            "Oh, great." 

            She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a kiss. "I'm just kidding. They're going to love you. I'll _make _them love you!"

            Logan gave her a quick hug and pecked his lips against the top of her head. "I knew there was a reason I was dating you." He released her from his embrace and lightly swatted her behind. "Git, woman. Go get ready!"

            Eve giggled, running into the bedroom.

                                                *                      *                      *

            "Logan, these are my parents, Brad and Marie. Mom, Dad... this is Logan." The couple took turns shaking his hand. Then, Eve turned to her brothers and, after making sure that her parents and Logan weren't watching, she gave them each a warning glare. "And this is Jack and Billy."

            After a few more clichéd pleasantries, everyone sat down at the table. The addition of an extra person made it a little cramped, and Logan found himself in between Eve's mom and Billy. He briefly wondered if that had been planned.

            But Logan's concerns appeared to be silly, as after a few uncomfortable moments, he hit it off with her family. Even her brothers started to warm to him. Eve, who was sitting across the table from him, continued to send encouraging smiles his way.

            "Logan?"

            He turned to face Eve's mother with a smile on his face. "Yes, Rogue?"

            Confusion marred both of their faces, and the rest of the family looked at Logan. 

            "I..." Logan looked down at his plate, then up at Eve and back to Marie. "I-I mean, Marie. I'm sorry. I don't know where that popped into my head from. 

            Eve's parents looked at each other for a second. 

            "Don't worry about it, Logan. We've all had our strange moments." But that particular strange moment stuck with them through the rest of the dinner, despite their concerted efforts to ignore it. It remained an issue especially for Logan, who kept racking his brain for a reason that he said that. Eve could tell he was upset by it, and waylaid him on the way from the dining room to the living room.

            "Are you okay?" Her loud whisper couldn't hide the concern in her voice. She glanced quickly toward the living room to make sure her family hadn't missed their company yet. Logan nodded, as every now and then a weird sense of pride would not let him show weakness. The pride seemed odd for him, especially when he was dealing with Eve, because she had seen him at his absolute worst. She cocked her head and stared at him, clearly conveying that a nod would not work in this case.

            "What was that all about at the table?"

            "I - I don't know. It just came out. I didn't even think about it before responding."

            "Did it inspire any memories?"

            Logan looked away; Eve almost thought he looked guilty. "No." 

            He walked into the living room, effectively cutting off any more questions. _God, I hate lying to her. I wish I could tell her about what it reminded me of - a brilliant red light on the Statue of Liberty, a shock of white hair, gloves. What does any of that mean?!?! It's just as bad as my dreams. _

Logan almost tripped, hiding it by falling into an empty chair near Billy. He paled, thinking about the dreams that were starting to come more and more often. It was beginning to bother him, but not as much as not being able to tell Eve bothered him. He wanted to make this relationship work, and he knew she worried about him and his memories.  But they just seemed so strange. And if they _were_ really flashes of his life, then he didn't want to think about what kind of person that made him. What did he do before the accident? 

            _What if I'm not the kind of person that Eve deserves?_

Logan clenched his jaw, clearing his mind of the concerns that had been plaguing him. He focused on the conversation, intent on making sure he made a good impression.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

            Jean wandered the darkened halls of the mansion, unable to sleep. But that was nothing new. After she regained her strength, she only got a few hours a night. Instead, her dreams were filled with her fears for Scott. He had been missing for about three and a half months now. No one dared broach the subject to her or the Professor, but she knew what people whispered in the halls and classrooms before she entered. _Maybe they're right. Maybe he is dead... What other explanation could there be for Cerebro to be unable to locate him?_

Jean stumbled, grabbing on to the wall for support. She sniffed and wiped tears from her eyes, and the ever-present imaginary hand squeezed her heart painfully. She finally succumbed to the sorrow that had been trying to conquer her for the last couple of weeks. Sliding to the ground, her sobs echoed in the halls as she came to grips for the first time that she would never see Scott again. Never be in his arms. Never tease a smile out of the fearless, stoic leader of the X-Men. Never feel honored that he let her in on his fears, hopes and past hurt. Never let him be strong for her when she needed to cry in his arms. 

            Never be his wife. Never bear his children. 

            The nevers crashed down on her like waves bringing grief and anger. Anger at the world for taking him away, and even anger at him for leaving her. The sobs grew louder and more intense, and the outside world faded around her. When the strong arms wrapped around her and gathered her against his chest, rocking her back and forth, she thought for a moment that it was Scott, back from the grave to comfort her once again. Only after the comfort of the embrace and the soft words whispered in her ear had soothed her enough did reason return, and she pulled slightly away.

            Shock and embarrassment filled her, and she jumped from Logan's arms. Wiping away the tears, she began to stutter apologies. He grabbed her by the wrist, shushing her.

            "Jean." She grew quiet and allowed him to draw her in again. He stared into her eyes, lifted his hand and gently wiped at the tears still marring her cheeks. "Jean. You've been strong for too long. Let it out. Grieve for him. Only then can you start to heal." 

            His entire speech had been in the same comforting whisper that had harmonized with her sobs just a few minutes earlier. Part of her wondered if he had been so quiet because he didn't want anyone to see or hear him being sensitive. The other part wondered if he could tell that anything louder would have been the last straw for her shot nerves.

            Jean sighed, her breath catching in her throat over the sobs that were still waiting to be released. She leaned back against Logan's broad chest and tried to ignore the guilt that filled her for being so close to the man Scott had felt so threatened by. She hoped that, wherever he was, he would understand that she needed this more than she had even known. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply, enjoying the pure man scent Logan exuded. The exhaustion of her crying and the lack of sleep caught up to her; she felt herself drowsing off. Just before she fell completely asleep, Logan whispered again - this time a request she had never expected from him.

            "Tell me how you two got together."

            The invisible hand grasped her heart again, and hot tears sprung to her eyes. Flashes of long ago days, secret smiles and stolen kisses passed across her memory, but she knew realistically that those days were also filled with guilt and concern about the appropriateness of dating someone so much younger than she. Fear that it was, on his part, only a crush that would disappear once the chase was over. It had taken a long time to believe that he truly cared for her, and an even longer time to get past the embarrassment of people's looks and snide comments about their age gap. But, oh had it been worth it!

            The stories started spilling out in no discernable order. Logan would comment now and then, but he primarily just let her talk. And talk and talk. After a few hours of reliving the best and worst times of her relationship with Scott, the tears seemed to be gone and in their place a quiet love and resignation. And the knowledge that she had the strength to get past her loss.

            Exhausted from the long night of reminiscing, she allowed Logan to walk her back to her room, where she curled up on the bed and he pulled the covers up and around her shoulders. He bent down, whispered sleep well into her ear and kissed her softly on the temple. He stole across to the door of Jean's and Scott's room. Just Jean's room now, he reminded himself. Opening it, he slipped out and tried to close it softly.

            Turning around, he was forced to stop quickly to avoid running into Rogue, Bobby and some of the other students. Rogue raised an eyebrow at the sight of him coming out of Jean's room so early in the morning, but she couldn't comment before she had to rush to catch up with the rest of them. He heard giggling from the group, as a few members turned back to look at him and then walked with their heads together, gossiping about him and Jean. His advanced hearing allowed him to catch some of the comments, and he walked in the opposite direction, not wanting to hear them.

            He did still care for Jean, and he had to admit, very guiltily, to himself that the idea that she was free now did make him hope that someday he would have a chance. But he knew that day wouldn't be for a while, as Jean only just started dealing with the issue last night. And he cared too much for her to push her until she was ready. Furthermore, he had started to like Scott in the week between Jean's "death" and his departure, when they often talked about their mutual loss.

            The leader of the X-men, who no longer felt threatened by him since neither man could have Jean, had opened up to him as much as Logan figured he did to anyone other than Jean and the Professor. Because of the friendly feelings toward Scott that had developed over that short amount of time, Logan, out of respect, felt it would be wrong to pursue Jean so quickly after his apparent death. But he knew that's what the students suspected and, by the time breakfast ended, it would be known by the entire school that Logan had spent last night with Jean. He hoped that the students would respect Jean enough not to assume she had done anything inappropriate. And he especially hoped they would not bring the subject up to her.

            Entering his own room in the mansion, Logan stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower. Finished, he quickly put on new clothes and went down to breakfast. As expected, several conversations stopped when he entered the dining hall. Glaring at everyone, he grabbed some food and sat by the Professor, Ororo and Kurt.

            Looking up, he found Ororo glaring at him.

            _Crap. She's heard the rumors and probably feels like she has to be mad at me on Scott's behalf. _

He looked right back at her with a neutral face, yet his eyes dared her to question him.

            _Don't be angry with Logan, Ro. _Logan jumped, glancing over at the Professor, who winked at him to let him know he was letting him hear what he was saying to Storm for a reason. _Nothing untoward happened between him and Jean last night. He just helped her come to terms with some things. Things, I think, you should also face. _

_            And even if Logan decides to someday pursue Jean, you should not be upset with either of them. We must all realize that Scott may no longer have a claim on her heart._

The Professor's last words were filled with grief, and his troubled face reflected his pain. Ororo's eyes filled with tears, and she quickly stood, practically running from the room. Logan watched her leave, then turned back to the Professor. He was no longer looking at Logan, but toward the window. Furiously blinking, he was clearly fighting the tears. Logan's heart filled with hope that these people would eventually heal. He also found himself selfishly hoping that he would someday inspire such love in them as Scott did.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            It was about two in the afternoon when Jean woke up. She stretched slowly across the bed, groaning yet feeling more refreshed than she had since she had returned to Westchester to find Scott gone from her life. Finally, real life intruded upon her as she burst out of bed, upset with herself for sleeping through most of her classes. 

            _Don't worry, Jean. I knew you needed your rest. Ororo and I handled your classes earlier today, and I am right now with your last class.  Enjoy the rest of day._

Jean sighed, her shoulders slumping as her heart started to slow down from it's erratic beat. _Thank you, Professor. I'm sorry I acted so irresponsible._

_            Oh, Jean. Don't be silly. _He paused, and Jean could feel the uncertainty in his mind. _I love you, my girl. I cannot tell you how glad that you are back home with us. I am especially glad because I...I know that I'm not alone in my grief for my son._ Jean's face scrunched up as she fought back tears, this time not for Scott or for herself, but for the man who loved Scott more than anyone else, even more than Jean had loved him. Scott was the Professor's son in all but one sense of the word, and Jean knew he would never recover from the loss of him - and not just because of the irrevocable loss to the school and the X-Men.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Logan was sitting in the living room, staring at the TV screen and not seeing any of the program that was on. Rogue entered the room behind him and watched him for a few seconds before speaking.

            "Enjoying Trading Spaces?'

            Logan turned to face her, a dazed expression on his face. "What?"

            "Never mind." She walked over and sat on the couch next to him, pulling her legs up underneath her. "So what's up?"

            "Nothing, just relaxing." 

            "Uh huh. You must be tired after last night..." She tilted her head, wondering if he'd take the bait. He glanced over at her with an exasperated expression on his face, and then focused back on the TV screen. Watching for a few seconds, he grimaced at the show and its entire concept before using the remote to turn it off with a sound of disgust.

            "Nice try, Rogue. If you want to know something, just ask."

            Rogue blushed, but her curiosity overcame the initial embarrassment, and she blurted out the question that every student wanted to know the answer to. "Are you and Dr. Grey together?"

            "No." Rogue's shoulders slumped, disappointed that she couldn't be privy to the much sought after gossip. Yet her face seemed almost relieved, which confused Logan very much.

            "Then why were you coming out of her room this morning?"

            "Jean couldn't sleep last night, and neither could I. We talked for a few hours, and I escorted her back to her room. That's all that happened, and neither of us wanted anything else to happen."

            "Do you think that will change in the future?"

            Logan paused, unsure of how to answer that question. He certainly couldn't speak for Jean, but he couldn't lie - he wanted it to happen someday, but only if Jean wanted the same. He didn't know if he could handle being in a relationship with someone in love with a ghost.

            "I don't know."

            Rogue lifted an eyebrow again and smiled slightly. "I think that would be good for Dr. Grey. And I know it would be good for you. But don't lead her on. If you're not going to stick around, then don't start anything. She doesn't deserve to lose two people." Her lecture done, Rogue untangled herself and stood up. "You're a good man, Logan, and a good friend." She reached out one gloved hand to rest on his cheek, looked in his eyes for a second and walked away from him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

            Logan was sitting at his desk in the hospital records office, but his mind was a million miles away. Staring at the calendar on his desk, he tried to deal with the fact that it had been five months. FIVE MONTHS. And no concrete memories whatsoever, unless he counted the dreams that only came very rarely now. The decision to not care anymore about his past had been the right decision; he knew that. But he wished it were easy done as said. He didn't talk that much about his past anymore with Eve, but he couldn't help his mind from worrying. Not because he wanted to know, and not because he wasn't happy with his new life, but because he couldn't shake the feeling that he had _important_ things to do.

            A knock sounded at the door, jarring him from his thoughts. He looked up to see Dave, the doctor who had saved his life. Smiling, he gestured to the extra chair.

            "What's up, Dave?"

            "I have a few minutes off for lunch, and I was wondering if you wanted to come to the cafeteria with me."

            "Oh, sure." Logan saved the spreadsheet that had been open on his desktop for the last twenty minutes while he had stared off into space. Standing, he followed the doctor out of the office and to the elevator.

            They talked about mundane things as they took their place in line and walked slowly down it, grabbing food here and there. Nodding to some of the other hospital employees, they grabbed a table off in the corner and continued the conversation. About halfway through lunch, Dave looked toward the entrance of the cafeteria and smiled, gesturing with his head. "There's Eve."

            Logan turned, a smile on his face. She saw them at about the same time, waved and headed over to their table.

            "Hi guys."

            "Hey, Eve." Dave said, while Logan pecked her on the cheek.

            "Why aren't you guys watching the news like everyone else?" She pointed behind her to the TV, which was surrounded by employees and family members of the patients. "There's apparently something big going on in the Senate today."

            "Oh?" Dave leaned over, trying to get a better look at the screen, even though they couldn't hear anything from where they were sitting. "Probably something to do with the Mutants."

            Confusion and amusement filled Logan's face. "Mutants?" His voice was incredulous.

            "Yeah, you're probably right, Dave." Logan turned toward Eve.

            "What are you guys talking about? Is this some joke? Why would the Senate be dealing with Mutants? What Mutants?"

            Eve and Dave glanced at each other, and then looked as one to Logan. "Mutants. The Registration Act? Doesn't any of this mean anything to you." 

            Logan slowly shook his head, fear filling his heart. And the doctors felt it too. Over the last couple of months, they had pretty much determined that Logan could only not remember things that had happened personally to him, but that he did know current events, basic math and everything else.

            "That's...interesting. Here, let's go watch the news report. Maybe that'll jump start your memory about it."

            Dave and Logan stood, and all three went over to the back of the group around the TV. The screen showed one of the legislators speaking about the merits of the Registration Act, but quickly jumped back to the guest speaker. Logan barely heard the reporter's comments about the speaker, a frequent lobbyist for Mutants in front of the Senate. His eyes were glued to the screen, as his heart seemed to stop when he saw the speaker, a Dr. Jean Grey.

            "Jean." The whisper was so quiet compared to the sound of the TV, but his companions heard it and turned to look at him. His face was white, and his eyes were beginning to glaze over.

            _Jean. The flood. Alkali Lake. Jean. Logan. Rogue. Bobby. Liberty Island. Professor X. Westchester. _Words, faces, memories and events started screaming through his head, just as they did in his dreams. But now they made _sense. _The memories and feelings started racing each other round and round, faster and faster, until his mind hurt from the intensity of it.

            Dave and Eve cried out only a few seconds after he did. They watched him clutch his head in pain, drop to his knees and cry out again. Kneeling next to him, they said his name, but it was clear he could not hear them. His eyes were clenched, and he unconsciously turned away from the group, now watching him instead of the TV.

            "Logan!" Eve screamed, desperately scared for him. That scream was what finally got his attention, and he opened his eyes. The concussive force of the beams from his eyes caused the table in front of him to explode, and the wall beyond it to crumble. Dave and Eve screamed in fear, jumping back from him as the rest of the occupants of the cafeteria panicked and fled.

            Logan closed his eyes, and the beams abruptly ended. Hyperventilating, he fell to the ground, covering his eyes with his hands. Eve had never been more scared in her life, but all of her fear was for Logan and none for herself. She didn't know what was happening to him, or how she could possibly help. Meeting Dave's eyes, seeing the shock in her heart mirrored on his face, she stared at the rubble and destruction caused by her boyfriend. Pulling herself together, she crawled back to Logan's side and gathered him in her arms, almost crying when she felt him trembling. She knew then that the experience was even worse for him than she had thought - never had he allowed himself to be so weak in front of her, despite her reassurances that he could trust her enough to be himself.

            "Logan?" The whisper seemed even quieter compared to the crashing that had filled the room only a few minutes ago. She felt him tense in her arms, but knew that he had gotten past the worst of it. When he spoke, she knew everything was going to change. Even his voice sounded different than the happy, carefree loving way it sounded just now at the cafeteria table. He sounded like a broken man, but she knew that, in actuality, he had finally been fixed.

            "My name is Scott."

                                                                        *          *          *

            Jean and Logan were sitting outside in the gardens, enjoying the day. Ever since the night when he had held her while she talked, they had been spending a couple of hours a day together and had grown closer than either of them had imagined possible. Naturally, it fueled the speculation about a romance between the two, and Jean had already allowed herself to think about what that might be like. Several times. And, today, she was going to tell him that.

            Her heart beat so loudly she was sure that his advanced hearing could pick it up. She didn't know why she was so nervous; the whole school knew how he felt about her, so she didn't have to fear rejection. A hidden part of her heart knew the real reason: she didn't want to admit her feelings to him because that would be the final and worst betrayal to Scott. But she had dealt with his death, and she knew he would want her to move on...although maybe not with Logan.

            Shaking her head to once again bury her true love, she turned to Logan with a smile on her face. He cocked his head, confused by her actions.

            "Logan." She released a shaky breath, looking away as her cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime."

            Logan's heart burst with joy. He had been hoping this day would come, more and more often lately as their conversations became less and less about Scott. He gasped, and then became embarrassed about his enthusiastic reaction to her question. Quickly he decided that he didn't care about his image anymore. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her thoroughly. When she pulled away after a few seconds, breathless and flushed, he thought her the most beautiful woman in the world.

            "I take it that's a yes?"

            He smirked at her and leaned in for another kiss, but was interrupted by a crashing sound coming toward them through the bushes. Releasing her quickly, knowing that she would not want to be discovered in a compromising position by a student, he turned toward the sound. Less than a moment after he released Jean, Bobby ran up to them, and stopped to crouch over against his knees, desperately trying to catch his breath.

            "The Professor." He finally managed to gasp out. "We were in class, and he suddenly stopped talking. He had this weird expression on his face and then collapsed. I don't know what happened next because I immediately came to find you two."

            Fear spread across Jean's face, and she immediately began running toward the building, with Logan and Bobby on her heels. The distance to the Professor's office never seemed so large before, and she thought she would cry if she weren't by his side right this instant. Finally, the door came into sight. An extra burst of speed brought her into the room. All of the remaining students were gathered around the Professor's wheelchair, as concerned for him as much as Jean was. Seeing her enter, they immediately moved aside to give her room to work. But her services were not needed, as he was beginning to come around.

            "Professor. Are you alright?" Jean barely noticed Ororo run into the room and stand behind Logan and Bobby.

            A brilliant smile erupted on the Professor's face. "I've never been better." The Professor took a minute to spare smiles to the students standing anxiously around him, reassuring them that he'd be okay. "I swear the two of you will be the death of me. Scaring me, and then making me amazingly happy. I don't think I can handle this emotional roller coaster again!"

            Jean glanced back at Logan and Ororo. By their expressions, she could tell they were just as confused as she was by the Professor's statements. Turning back to him, she began to get a suspicious tickle in the back of her brain. 

            "What are you talking about, Professor?"

            "Get the 'Bird. We're going on a trip. Ororo, can you ask Kurt to keep an eye on the students while we are away." Storm nodded and left the room, curious about the mission but sure the Professor would explain in his own time. She didn't have long to wait, as the Professor's voice sounded in her head before she had even finished exiting the room, and she knew that everyone in the school was hearing the same message.

            _Children. I have some good news. Just like with Jean, it seems we have been grieving for nothing. Just a few minutes ago, Scott's consciousness burst into my head. I don't know where it's been hiding, but it came back with a vengeance. Hopefully, we will have him home to you soon._

Jean was still kneeling by the Professor's side, shock having frozen her in that position. She thought her heart had stopped, or that perhaps she was dreaming. But the gloriously happy look on the Professor's face convinced her otherwise and, for the first time in months, utter joy filled her. Letting out a cry, she flew into the Professor's waiting arms and began to cry for her newfound love. Her eyes, buried against her mentor's shoulder, didn't see the happiness and hurt battling for supremacy in Logan. She didn't see him hide both emotions as quickly as they had come upon him, or see him turn stiffly on one heel and walk briskly out of the room and toward the plane.

*                      *                      *

            Sitting next to the Professor and behind Ororo, who was piloting the plane, Jean didn't say much. She was too busy watching the airspace in front of them, willing the distance to be covered faster and faster, anxious to see Scott again. The Professor still didn't know what happened exactly, and Jean was afraid that Scott was in danger. 

            Glancing surreptitiously at Logan, who was sitting in the co-pilot seat but not actually having anything to do with the flying of the plane, she tried to determine how he felt about this. She knew he was happy that Scott was alive, as he had confided in her during a previous conversation that he "actually kinda liked the kid." But she also knew that he was upset at the amazing bad timing of them having discovered he was alive the same day that she had kissed him. She truly felt bad about that; she did have feelings for him, but they could not compare to her love for Scott. And she hoped that he would understand that and not make her have to reject him. However, despite the concern she felt for Logan's feelings, it was impossible for her to feel anything but joy.

            Ororo broke in on her thoughts to announce that they would be landing soon. Jean's heart soared and her face hurt because her grin was so wide. She braced herself for the landing, which was actually a few miles outside of the city, as it wouldn't do any of them any good for the plane to be sitting around where anyone could see it. Once safely on the ground, Jean led the way off the plane, quickly followed by the Professor, Ororo and Bobby, who had insisted on accompanying them. Logan was the last off of the plane, and he made sure it would be secure in their absence.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Dave growled in exasperation, walking into the hospital room where his friend was resting. Eve, her face drawn and tired, looked up from her seat at his bedside. She hadn't left him since the incident in the cafeteria six hours ago, and her exhaustion showed it. Looking back at her boyfriend to ensure he was still sleeping, she stood and walked over to whisper with Dave.

            "Are the reporters still here?"

            "Yeah, it's like a zoo out there. They're like vultures, the bastards." He sighed, rubbing a hand across his eyes and nodded toward the bed.

            "How's he doing?" Eve looked toward him, too, clearly upset.

            "The sedative you gave him in the cafeteria worked pretty good. He's been out cold the whole time. I'm sure it's good for him to get his rest, but I kinda wished he could wake up so I could find out what's happening...and ask him about what kind of life Scott led."

            Dave gave her a compassionate smile and patted her on the shoulder. "It's kind of weird saying that, isn't it. Scott, I mean, instead of Logan."

            "Yeah." She was obviously fighting back tears, and Dave's heart went out to her. "I - I just want to know what's going to happen. I'm so scared...that he won't want to be with me now that he can go back to his old life." The last sentence came out barely louder than a whisper, and Dave gathered her into a hug when she finally let the tears come.

            A knock at the door interrupted them, and the door opened to reveal Lucy, the head nurse. 

            "Hi. Sorry, guys, but I thought you might like to know that there's some people here claiming to know Scott. Something tells me that they're not just a bunch of quacks out for a lark. Do you wanna come check them out?" Eve nodded, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. Dave held the door open for her, and they followed the nurse to the admit desk.

            Turning the corner, Eve's eyes sought out the group, curiosity about the people who possibly meant very much to her boyfriend causing her to speed up her steps. Finally, she got her first look at them. An older, dignified man in a wheelchair was closest to the desk, and a young man with blond hair stood at the handles of his chair. Slightly behind them stood an attractive, yet very dangerous looking man and a black woman with shocking white hair. Finally, standing closer to Eve than the rest, was a pretty, young woman. Eve nearly stumbled in surprise when she recognized the woman as Dr. Jean Grey, the person on the TV in the cafeteria. Recovering, she continued walking toward them, but allowed Dave to talk to them, more interested in watching the actions and reactions of the strangers.

            "Hello, I'm Dr. Starr. This is Dr. Crawford." The man in the wheelchair maneuvered around to face them, a smile on his face. "Hello, I'm Charles Xavier." He looked Eve in the eyes, and she had the strange feeling that he could see right through her. This feeling was not assuaged by the way his smile faltered. He glanced at Dr. Grey, but she appeared to be too excited to pay any attention. This, however, seemed to please the man. 

            "These are my associates: Bobby Drake, Ororo Munroe, Jean Grey. And, uh, this is Logan."

            Hearing her boyfriend's former name being applied to the dangerous looking man threw Eve off, and she could tell that it affected Dave as well.

            "Ah. Um, nice to meet you all. How can we help you?"

            "We would like to see Scott Summers."

            _Scott Summers. _Eve tasted the name with her mind. _It's a good name. I could learn to call him by that. Scott Summers..._

Dave smiled and shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm sure you can imagine that a lot of people have come in today wanting to see our patient. Why should we let you see him?"

            "Because we truly do know him. And I can prove it. Scott left us about five months ago to go on a vacation. He was driving a blue BMW, with New York license plates. He's a teacher at my school, Xavier's School for the Gifted, in Westchester, New York. He always wears dark ruby red sunglasses."

            Eve's head shot up in confusion. "Lo - Uh, I mean Scott never wears sunglasses." The Professor shared a look with Dr. Grey, both obviously unnerved by her statement.

            "Actually, Eve, he was wearing ruby red sunglasses the night of the accident. I believe you know him; you can follow me, but only one of you can visit him at a time." The entire entourage headed toward the room Eve had spent so many hours in today. Finally reaching the door, Dave turned back to face the strange group of people.

            "Who's first?" The group didn't even discuss it amongst themselves. Parting, they let Dr. Grey, who had been walking behind everyone else, pass through and enter the door Dave opened for her.

            _ I wonder why they're letting her go first. _Yet deep down, Eve knew the answer to that question. She just didn't want to admit it to herself. Unfortunately, the man in the wheelchair answered it for her.

            _Because, my dear _Eve jumped into the air, a hand reaching out to the wall for support as she turned to stare at the man with fear in her eyes. _I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Jean is Scott's girlfriend._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

            For some reason unknown to her, Jean was nervous as she entered Scott's hospital room. However, she completely forgot about that once she saw him. All she could feel was joy at the fact that he was alive. Seeing that he was asleep, she quietly moved toward the empty chair next to his bed. Sitting down, she reached for his hand and quietly called his name. He began to stir, and Jean's heart soared as she prepared herself to finally talk with him again after all this time.

              "Who's there?" His voice was tired and hoarse. He turned his head toward Jean, and she wished that the bandages covering his eyes were gone. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek in her palm.

            "Eve?"

            Jean's heart stopped, and she didn't think she could breathe anymore. _Eve? Why did he think she was some woman named Eve? _

"Uh. No, Scott. It's me." He didn't say anything for a second, but the way he seemed to look right into her eyes despite the bandages was uncanny.

            "Jean?" His voice was merely a whisper, his lips seemed hard pressed to make the shapes necessary to produce them. 

            "Yeah. It's me."

            Scott reached his hand up toward the one holding his face. Grabbing her fingers, he squeezed them and followed her hand up her arm and toward her face. The whole time his face kept getting more and more amazed and awe-filled.

            "Jean... I thought you were dead."

            "I thought you were dead." A sound that was halfway between a sob and a laugh filled the room, as Scott burst into a brilliant grin. He moved his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. By the time they pulled away from each other, they were both crying in happiness.

            Jean carefully crawled onto the hospital bed with him, and Scott wrapped his arms around her. 

            "Scott?"

            "Hmm?"

            "Who's Eve?"

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Jean had only been in the hospital room for about ten minutes, but it seemed like an eternity to Eve. Her mind raced with a hundred ideas of what they were doing in there, and her heart broke a little more with each thought. And the sympathetic looks the Professor kept giving her did not help at all, especially since she now knew that he knew exactly what she was thinking.

            The hard part was that she didn't know if she should fight for him or not. She desperately wanted to be with him and was more than willing to try to get him to stay with her, but a small part of her kept thinking that it wasn't fair to him for her to do so. He could go back to his _real_ life now, and to his _real _girlfriend. What right did she have to keep him here with her if he didn't want to? And the small, insecure voice in Eve's head kept telling her that there was no way he would ever want to.

            The hospital door opening interrupted Eve's doubts and fears. Jean exited the room with an exhausted, but happy look on her face. Smiling at the Professor, she held the door open as he rolled into the room. 

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Jean shut the door behind the Professor and walked over to stand by Ororo and Bobby. She was curious about Scott's life for the last five months, but he told her he wanted to see the Professor and everyone else before he told her about it. She understood that it was a long story and that he wanted to see everyone, but she desperately wanted to hear it. _Don't lie to yourself. You want to know who Eve is. Did he move on? Was he dating someone else, thinking she was dead? And why couldn't Cerebro locate him?_

So many questions still needed answers, but she didn't care. Scott was alive, and he'd soon be coming home to them. Five months of pain, grief and worry finally hit her all at once, and she quickly sat down in one of the chairs outside of the room. As she was sitting, her eye caught the nametags of the female doctor that had shown them to the room. 

            Dr. Eve Crawford, M.D.

            _What?_

            *                      *                      *

            The Professor wheeled toward Scott. The younger man's hearing, improved because of the blindness that often came with his gift, picked up the sounds of the wheelchair, and he smiled.

            "Hello, Professor."

            "Hello, my boy. How are you feeling?" Scott just smiled at his mentor, not sure of how to answer that question.

            "What happened to you these last few months?" Scott immediately launched into his story. His excuse for not telling Jean the story was partially true - he had wanted to see the others first, but he also was unsure of what to tell her about Eve - and that confused him even more. He knew he could not use the same excuse with the Professor, and part of him was relieved that he could unburden his chest of all the trouble the last five months had given him. And all the happiness.

            When Scott finished his story, the Professor just sat still for a few minutes before sucking in much needed air and shaking his head.

            "Wow. That's some story. I assume the amnesia, and the fact that your mutation was suppressed for so long, explain why Cerebro couldn't find you."

            "Probably. But I'm confused why my mutation did suppress itself. It couldn't be because of my injury because it didn't return when I healed."

            "I think it was related to the injury and to the amnesia. The injury caused both to occur, but your subconscious desire to not return to a Jean-less world maintained it even after you healed. I think that's why seeing Jean caused you to remember - and caused your mutation to re-manifest."

            "As good an explanation as any, I guess."

            The Professor paused, clearly wanting to say something but unsure of how to broach the subject. Finally, he pulled himself together.

            "Scott. Have you given any thought to what you will do with your life now?"

            Confusion flittered across Scott's face. "Go back home with you. Isn't that why you came to get me?"

            "I will not lie, Scott. I'd love to have you come home, and I know everyone else will, too. But I will not force you to do so. You have a choice now. If you choose to stay here, we will manage without you. It would be unfair to you to force you to give up everything you've built these last five months." The Professor paused. "And you have Eve now."

            "I don't know about that. She might not want me now that I'm a mutant." Scott turned his head away from the Professor. "And Jean's alive now. How do I choose between them? Jean was my whole life - and, in many ways, still is and always will be. But Eve gave me a new life and a new dream for happiness. I thought two lifestyles - Scott and Cyclops - was too much for one man. Now I have three lives. It's just too much to think about right now."

            "You don't have to make your choice this instant, Scott. Take your time. And remember, no matter what you choose, I will still love you and respect you."

            Scott was glad he was facing away from the Professor, and that his face was still bandaged. His pride would have been seriously hurt if the Professor had seen the tears those words had brought to his eyes. He had to choke back a sob when he felt the Professor grab his hand and squeeze it.

            He listened to the Professor leave the room and heard him tell the others to give him some time before coming in to visit. Scott's brain hurt as it was filled with images, feelings and memories of both his lives. A part of him longed to return to yesterday, when he only had to worry about one life, one girl, and one future.

A/N: So I have an unforeseen problem: _I _don't know who Scott will choose! So in an effort to help me make my decision, and to get people to review more (because I love reviews), you guys can let me know what you think about Scott's choice. It won't necessarily be a vote, but I'll take everyone's opinions into consideration. 

Thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad you guys are enjoying it! I'm having a lot of fun writing it!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

            Although the other members of the group had to wait to see Scott until the Professor deemed it Scott ready to see them, Eve knew that the first two visitors would have caused the main excitement for Scott. And especially the first. 

            Finally, none too soon for Eve, the hospital's visiting hours ended. Ushering the group out, she assured them Scott would be fine without them. As the last member of the group passed through the doors, Eve sighed in relief. Selfishly, she didn't want to deal with their presence any longer that day. Heading back to Scott's room, she stood outside the door for almost ten minutes. Fear gripped her heart and muscles. She didn't think she could have moved if she had needed to do so. 

            She desperately wanted to see Scott - now that she knew he was awake and could talk to her. But she was so afraid of what he would say. She didn't want to walk into that room only to hear about the joy he felt at remembering - and at being able to be with his fiancée again. Eve would step aside because, as clichéd as it sounded, his happiness was the most important to her. But that didn't mean that it wouldn't hurt. In fact, deep down she knew that if he told her that he would be going back to his old life, and then her heart would break irreparably. She would never love again.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            The X-Men were slowly walking back to where they had left the plane. It had been an exhausting day for all of them, and the distance seemed to be immeasurably long. The exhaustion also made them quiet and, surprisingly, no one talked about the events of the day.

            Out loud, that is.

            Jean had waited as long as she could, but the curiosity finally won out. She hadn't had the chance to be alone with Scott again before the visiting hours ended, and she needed to know what the Professor knew. She especially needed to know if what the doctor meant to Scott. For not the first time, she cursed the ethics that had prohibited her from reading the woman's - or Scott's - mind.

            _Professor? _ The older man gave no outward sign that he heard her.

            _Yes, my dear._

_            Did Scott tell you what happened to him five months ago?_

_            Yes. He was in a car accident and had amnesia. The injury and complications following it suppressed his mutation until he saw you on the news. Seeing you alive jarred his system back to normal._

_            Oh. Uh...what kind of life did he live?_

_            Well, he went by the name Logan. _Jean had to suppress the laughter threatening to burst out of her. The Professor's own amusement tinged his thoughts, which did not help matters any. 

            _He worked for the hospital._

_            Anything else? Anything to do with...Eve?_

The Professor could not hide a physical reaction this time. His head snapped up and away from Jean. He stared resolutely ahead. _Perhaps this is something you should discuss with Scott._ The Professor didn't even need to raise his shields against Jean - as if Jean could have spoken with him when he did not want her to - for her to realize the conversation was over. However, the Professor's reticence made her even more curious about the woman. Deep down, she knew what Eve had been to Scott. And she could not blame him. Even if he hadn't lost his memory, he would have still thought her dead. But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt just a little. And she conveniently told herself that her...indiscretion with Logan wasn't the same thing. 

            She knew the hurt at Scott's having a girlfriend was childish. But focusing on that allowed her to ignore the real thing that was bothering her. She didn't want to think about what Scott would do, now that he had a choice. Or, more importantly, who he would choose.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Taking a deep breath, Eve knocked once on the door and entered the room. _Time to get this over with... _ Even with the bandages around his head, Eve could tell that Scott was still awake. She briefly wondered if he could tell it was her. He finally turned his head toward the door, acknowledging that he knew someone was in the room.

            "Who is it now?" Eve almost cried at how tired and pained his voice sounded. She knew the visits, the cafeteria incident and the return of his memories were hard for him, but she hadn't noticed how hard until just now. 

            "Uh. It's me, Log - I mean Scott." She mentally kicked herself for the slip-up, even though it had been less than 24 hours ago that he was Logan.

            "Eve?" His voice, although still tired, sounded much softer now. And, Eve thought, much happier, but she tried to convince herself that it was her imagination. She didn't want to get her hopes up, after all.

            "Yeah. It's me."

            "How are you doing?"

            "How am _I _doing? I'm not the one in a hospital bed, buster!" He smiled. She sat down in the chair next to him. She longed to reach out for his hand again, but she didn't want to put undue pressure on him. Both were quiet for a few minutes as they searched for easier topics of conversation than the one Eve really wanted to address. Unfortunately, no easy topics were available to them, and Scott chose one that wasn't really what Eve wanted to talk about, but it intrigued her almost as much.

            "So, Eve Crawford. My name is Scott Summers. Would you like to hear the story of my life? You've waited for it long enough." 

            "Shoot."

                                                            *                      *                      *

            The X-Men were just finishing their breakfasts when the Professor dropped his bombshell. 

            "After our visit with Scott today, we'll leave for home." Everyone looked shocked, but Ororo was the first to say anything.

            "Aren't we going to wait until we can bring Scott with us?"

            "No. It's true that Scott will be able to leave the hospital within a day or two, and I'm sure Kurt can handle things until we return. But he shouldn't have to."

            "Will you be able to make do without me, Professor?" Jean asked softly, avoiding looking at Logan to see how he reacted to her question. She was surprised to see that the Professor was avoiding her eyes in return.

            "I'm sorry, Jean. I won't allow you to stay with Scott."

            "Wh-what? But he needs someone to help him."

            "And he does. He has friends here. He's had five months here to make them." 

            "But they were friends he made as some guy named Logan. He needs me here."

            The Professor sighed and finally met her eyes. The pain she saw in them scared her. Why on earth was he upset now that they knew Scott was going to be okay?

            "Jean...all of you, actually need to know. Scott and I had a very important conversation today. As of right now, I don't know if he'll be returning to Westchester with us." He faltered at the expressions that met that statement. "I may have been wrong the other day. Scott Summers, may in fact, be dead - for all intents and purposes."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

            Scott slept soundly in the hospital bed, while Eve tried to get comfortable in the chair. She could have just gone home, but she would rather be with Scott then at an apartment full of _Logan's _things. Seeing reminders of their life together would be too much for her to handle. So she stayed here, with him, torn between wanting to hear him say it was over already and hoping that he never did.

            So she sat in the chair, sleep eluding her as she thought of all the information Scott had told her. The revelation that he was a mutant did not come as that big of a shock after the cafeteria incident. Listening to him tell stories about the mutant children he taught made her smile; he was such a good, devoted teacher. He told her a little bit about the X-Men, but he also made it clear that it was not his story alone to tell. The one topic they didn't touch was Dr.Grey, but Eve had a feeling that Scott knew she knew about his girlfriend.

            However, after listening to the stories about the life of Scott Summers, Eve didn't know if that really mattered anymore. Scott wouldn't be leaving her for another woman; he would be leaving his temporary life to go back to the one that brought him so much joy. Listening to him talk about teaching, about being a part of an integral team and about being around so many amazing people, Eve could tell that that was a life he would never willingly abandon for anything - not even a girl. Eve now knew it would be horrendously unfair to make him do so, and now, in the privacy of the night, she let the tears come. She cried for the death of a relationship, but thanked God that she had the opportunity to have it. 

            Unfortunately, the sobs, although she tried to keep them quiet, were loud enough to wake the light sleeper in the bed next to her. She should have remembered he woke up at the tiniest sound. 

            "Eve?" His whisper sounded so tired, and she berated herself for waking him up when she knew he needed the rest.

            "I'm sorry. Don't worry about me; just go back to sleep."

            "Don't be silly." Scott pulled himself up to a sitting position and ran a hand through his hair. "What's wrong?"

            Eve couldn't bring herself to say anything. The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel guilty. But as she racked her brain for something else to say, he answered his own question.

            "It's about me remembering, isn't it? You're crying because you think I'm going to go home."

            _Home. Meaning Westchester... Well, I guess that takes care of any dreams I might have had about him choosing to stay here, no matter how ridiculous those dreams were._

When Eve didn't answer, Scott sighed, knowing he had guessed correctly. He scooted over on the bed and patted the empty spot he had made. Reluctantly, she crawled up onto the bed next to him. She couldn't bring herself to stop him when he pulled her into his arms. She was afraid that this was the last time he'd ever hold her, and she wanted to enjoy it, even if she knew the memory would only bring her pain later.

            "Eve." He whispered into her ear, the breath falling on her neck a comforting, warm caress. "I'm so sorry that this all had to happen. In a way, I almost wish I had never remembered. It would have made things so much easier."

            "How are they hard? You can go back to your old life now. Your team and your students."

            "It's hard because I don't know if that's what I want anymore. My life here...with you...is amazing. I was happy doing things I never got the chance to do at home. I lived a normal life with a wonderful girlfriend. In Westchester, I don't have the luxury to be me. I'm either Cyclops - leader of the X-Men, risking my life to bring peace to the area and acceptance to mutants everywhere. Or I'm Scott Summers - teacher at Xavier's, guy with stick-up my ass making sure all the students learn not only how to do algebra, but also how to use their powers and to make sure that those powers don't define _who _they are. I won't lie; I love that life. But I love this life, too."

            "So what does that mean?" Scott sighed again, and Eve could almost feel the concern racking his body.

            "It means...that the Professor gave me a choice. He said it was up to me which life I wanted to lead, and I don't know which one I want." Joy soared through Eve's heart just at the mere thought that the choice wasn't so easy for him to make. Her fears that he would drop her, and their life together, faster than humanly possible were unfounded. And even though she knew that didn't mean that he'd ultimately choose her, it was a possibility. 

            But she needed to know. They beat around the bush for too long.

            "And wh-what about Jean?" Scott's body tensed underneath hers, and for a moment she thought he wouldn't answer.            "Ah..." Scott cleared his throat nervously. "Jean and I dated in my old life. We were pretty much well on our way to marriage. I don't know where we stand now. A lot can happen in five months." Eve's heart constricted painfully despite the hope inherent in his last statement. But she soldiered on, desperate to know everything about this man she, in many ways, just met. And that included his experiences with and feelings for his almost fiancée.

            "Will you tell me about her?" Scott cleared his throat again and started to talk in a very monotone voice. Eve was unsure whose benefit it was for that he tried to keep all emotion out of his story, but she ignored that for now and concentrated on his words.

            "Jean and I were two of the Professor's first students..."

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Scott had fallen asleep again after his story was finished. The shock of remembering his past as well as the sedative still in his system were too much for his body to handle. Eve remained in his arms throughout the story, and lay there now watching him sleep and thinking about everything he had told her. She had cried for him when he spoke of Jean's death, was angry for him about Logan and Jean's obvious attraction to him and felt his fear when he talked about his inability to stop himself from attacking her with his gift at Alkali Lake.

            She laid in his arms now, trying to figure out why she was so empathetic toward his relationship with Jean, when she had expected to be jealous and upset and scared and sad. Finally, an explanation came to her. She cared about Jean, and about their relationship, because she loved Scott. She had loved Logan, and that had transferred over to Scott, especially after she had learned about the kind of man he was. She saw how much that relationship meant to Scott, and, therefore, it meant just as much to her - even if it turned out that Jean meant more to Scott than Eve did.

            When this realization dawned on her, she smiled. Now, knowing that she could live with whatever decision Scott made, she decided to stop worrying about it so much. Snuggling into his embrace and wrapping her arms around his stomach, she settled down, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before she had to get back to work.

            But that, like so many other things, didn't happen as planned. Hearing the door open, Eve jumped, turning to face the intruder. 

            "Jean!" The other woman didn't say anything; she was apparently too shocked to do so. Almost dropping the bag of things she was holding, she took an involuntary step backward. Eve, realizing the position she was in, tried to get off the bed, but Scott's arms tightened around her and he groaned, waking up.

            "What's wrong?'

            "Let me up!" He released her from his embrace and turned toward the door. The bandages around his eyes didn't allow him to see Jean's shocked and hurt expression, and Eve was thoroughly grateful for that. Unfortunately, Jean finally composed herself.

            "Hello, Scott."

            "J-Jean!" He sat bolt upright in bed, fear entering his voice.

            Eve didn't know what to do, looking back and forth between her boyfriend and his girlfriend. "Uh- uh. I'll leave you two alone." With one last look at Scott, she skirted around Jean and out the door, her heart beating a mile a minute. 

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Jean stood stock still as Eve walked past her. She felt that if she moved even a little bit, she would end up running out of the room. Taking a deep breath, she tried to remember what the Professor told her this morning.

            _Jean, Scott loves you. He's always loved you. But the most special thing about your relationship is the way you care for each other's happiness._

_            Today, when you see him, remember how much his happiness means to you. Don't make this choice harder for him. Just be there for him, no matter what. Show him once again how much you love him, even if that means your love might not be enough for him anymore._

Fighting back the tears, Jean walked over to his bed, prepared to do whatever he asked of her. Sitting down, she reached out to briefly squeeze his hand. A small vindictive part of her felt happy at his obvious discomfiture, but she quickly repressed that.

            "Hi, Scott. I brought your visor, if you want to take the bandages off."

            "Uh. Thanks, Jean." She could tell that his heart was racing, and she knew he would be glad that the bandages covered how red his face was. She finally took pity on him.

            "Scott. The Professor told me about Eve. You don't have to worry about it. I'm not mad." _Just scared that you're going to leave me._

            "I-I'm sorry."

            "It's okay. You didn't know who you were. And you thought I was dead." Jean stopped, trying to muster the courage to tell him about Logan. She figured he should know about it. He deserved to know about it, even if that affected his decision.

            "Scott, while you were gone. I was devastated. I thought you were dead, and I felt dead inside, too. Eventually...I started to heal, mainly because I talked a lot...with Logan." Her heart broke as she saw him tense up. She felt horrible that it bothered him, but she didn't regret it. Logan helped her through a terrible time, and she would not apologize for her feelings. But that didn't mean she wouldn't cry every day if he left her because of her relationship with a man he hated. 

            "We weren't together." He visibly relaxed at her assurance. "But we were close. W-we only kissed. But...I did have some feelings for him."

            He sighed. "I had- have- feelings for Eve. And we did a lot more than kiss." Jealousy raged through Jean. "You thought I was dead. Don't worry about it. I'm glad that Logan could help you through it, and truth be told...he's...not...that bad of a guy. He helped me a lot that first week before I left Westchester."

            "Logan is a good guy. But he doesn't hold a candle to you." She leaned forward for a kiss, which he gave readily, their mouths instinctively finding each other. "I love you so much, Scott. I just want you to be happy."

            "So the Professor told you he was giving me a choice."

            "It's not something the Professor can give you, Scott. It's what you deserve. But, yes, he told me. And we're leaving for home today, to give you time to make that choice." Standing up, she placed Scott's glasses and one of the extra communicators in his hands. She walked to the door. A war raged in her heart. She promised the Professor she wouldn't try to persuade him at all, but she didn't want to leave without saying it - especially since she might never be able to say it again.

            "I love you, Scott." She walked out, unable to wait to see if he would answer.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            As Ororo lifted the plane off the ground, Jean finally broke. Tears streamed down her face, and sobs shook her body as she tried to repress them. She realized that it was ridiculous, but she felt like the farther away she traveled from Scott, the more her heart stretched. It was like it was trying to stay with Scott, but the rest of her body wouldn't let it. For the first time since she decided to accept his death, she truly felt alone. She cried a little harder when she felt Logan sit next to her and rub her back.

            "I'm so sorry, Logan." Her voice hitched over her tears, and she knew she sounded like a wreck.

            "Shh. Shh. I know. I don't care about that. I just want you to be happy." Logan looked up to see if any of the others were listening to their conversation. When he saw that they weren't, he lifted her chin with a finger and looked into her eyes. "Just tell me what you want me to do. Do you want me to leave?"

            "No...no... Don't leave because of this. I mean, we don't even know what Scott's going to do." Logan clenched his jaw and looked away. 

            "I don't want to be anyone's second choice." 

            "How can you say that? I care about you; I do!" Jean sighed. "But that doesn't matter anymore. I...I'm sorry, Logan. I won't be with you even if Scott doesn't choose me. I chose him a long time ago, and it would be unfair to you, unfair to my love for him and unfair to my heart to deny that. I will love him forever, no matter what he chooses. But that doesn't mean that you should go. Westchester is your home now. You should only leave when and if you want to."

            Logan cleared his throat, obviously trying to stop from crying. "Thank you for telling me the truth. And it doesn't come as that big of a surprise to me. I've always known that you loved the kid. I was just kidding myself that you would ever really be with me if you actually had the choice. You deserve what you need to be happy, and if Scott doesn't choose to give that to you, then he's a bigger jackass than I accuse him of being."

            Logan sighed and stood up to head back to the front of the plane. He looked back at Jean's tear-streaked face and mustered the strength to give her a smile. "I won't leave Westchester. I'll always be here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on. Or whatever."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

            Scott was haphazardly tossing the few belongings he had with him at the hospital into a bag. He had been discharged that morning, and he hoped that the press would be onto different news by the time he was ready to leave. Planning on going straight to the apartment, he still wasn't sure what he was going to do after that. Sighing, he finished packing just as Eve entered the hospital room.

            "You ready?" Turning to face her, Scott smiled, hoping he would convince her that he wasn't stressing out about the decision looming over his head. He picked up his bag and walked over to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders.

            "Let's get out of here."  Eve tilted her head to glance at the profile she loved so much. His strong jaw and beautiful smile. Looking up further, she felt a pang of sadness that she would never see his amazing blue eyes again. Today, they were covered by the ruby red glasses, which left more of his face open and looked more "normal." But she knew that the larger visors were in the bag he was carrying, and they made her think about how he went out as Cyclops - risking his life to further acceptance of mutants. That thought scared her as she thought of how many times he could die in the future - and how many times he might have already died. But she knew that she would never ask him to stop it; she knew how much it meant to him. Asking him to set aside Cyclops would be like asking him to cut off his arm. But that didn't mean she wouldn't worry.

            Walking out of the hospital, they waved goodbye to Dave and were relieved to see that the press had moved onto other stories. They said very little on the drive to the apartment, but Scott used that time to come up with a plan. Now, sitting at the dinner table, he decided to bring up his plan to Eve. 

            "In a couple days, I'm going to leave for Westchester." A flash of pain flitted across Eve's face, and she quickly looked down at her plate. 

            "Oh...I understand."

            "No, you don't." She looked up again, confused. "Now that I remember, I cannot leave the school or the mission. Teaching the kids and leading the team is all I ever wanted to do. But because I want to go back to that doesn't automatically mean that I want to go back to Jean. I don't know what I want. But I'm also not selfish enough to think that it's only my choice to make. I would like you to come to Westchester with me - see the school, get to know me as Scott. You may come to realize that you don't love me as much as you loved Logan."

            Scott paused, unsure of how to continue without hurting Eve's feelings. "But, if you come, you have to realize that, just as going home doesn't mean I want Jean, my asking you to come along doesn't mean that I'm going to stay with you. I love you so much, but I love Jean, too. This is the hardest thing I ever have to do. And I realize it's horribly unfair of me to ask you to come when I may leave you for another women. But, if I don't leave you, it's only right that you know what you're getting into - and who you're getting into it with."

            Eve thought about his offer for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity to Scott. "Okay. But I'm only coming as a friend who's interested in knowing more about you. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. I can see how much this is hurting you, and I know you love us both. And I won't hold it against you if you decide you want to be with Jean. She seems like an amazing woman."

            Scott leaned forward to kiss her. "You're not so bad yourself." But Eve placed a hand on his chest before he could finish moving toward his lips.

            "You heard what I said, Bucko. From now on, we're just friends until we BOTH decide differently."

            Scott smiled and moved back to his chair with his hands up in mock surrender.

                                                            *                      *                      *

            A few days later, Eve and Scott walked off of the airplane and toward the luggage pickup, where they planned to meet Bobby, who had driven out to pick them up and bring them to the school. Scott quickly scanned the crowd milling about and soon picked out the boy standing off one side. 

            "Bobby!" Scott watched the boy turn in their direction, wave and smile at them.

            "Hi, Scott. Dr. Crawford."

            "Please call me Eve."

            "Okay. Go on and get your bags so we can go! Everyone wants to see you." Scott picked up his duffel bag and Eve's suitcase. The rest of the belongings he had accumulated over the last few months were going to be shipped out to the school by Dave. 

            "So how have classes been going without me?"

            "Eh. Ok. Kurt picked up a few classes - and Logan, if you can believe that. But they're just not the same as our Mr. Summers."

            "Suck up."

            "You know it."

            "Storm's been leading the team, but I know she's more than looking forward to hand the reins back over to you. She says she's not cut out for the strategy-making like you are."

            "I'm sure she did fine. Say, how are you and Rogue doing?" Bobby smiled a rakish grin.

            "It's amazing what mesh can do."

            "Bobby!" The two men burst out laughing, while Eve just gave them a confused look. Scott smiled and shook his head, mouthing_ I'll explain later._ When they neared the Ferrari that Bobby drove to pick them up, Scott let out a whoop of pure joy. 

            "Bobby, who finished the body work on this? I didn't have it ready to drive yet when I left."

            "I did - well, me and Piotr. We were bored, so we thought we'd surprise you with it."

            "Hey, thanks. Is it alright with the mechanic if I drive?"

            "Of course. It's your car, after all."

            Scott threw the bags into the back, and Bobby climbed in after them. Eve went to the passenger side, and Scott slid into the driver's seat, running his hands lovingly over the leather-covered steering wheel. Eve watched him with an amused expression on her face. Bobby leaned forward in between their chairs to mock Scott.

            "Get used to this, Eve. He's _always _like this. Scott lives for fast cars...and motorcycles...and planes..." Scott blushed, cleared his throat and started the car. Bobby and Eve laughed at the expression he made when he heard the powerful roar of the engine.

            "Oh, just shut up." Throwing the car into gear, Scott skillfully maneuvered his way out of the airport's parking lot and on to the familiar road to the mansion. It awed him that the route seemed so familiar to him now, when just a week ago he wouldn't even be able to tell someone where Westchester was, much less a private school for the gifted in Westchester. He cleared the thought from his mind when they reached the open road, and he let the car go, experimenting with what it could do.

            "So how is everyone at the school?"

            "Good. We haven't had any major events or emergencies or anything."

            Scott glanced over at Eve and cleared his throat. "And...uh...is it okay with everyone that I'm bringing Eve?"  
            "The Professor made an announcement, so everyone's prepared." Eve sighed and turned in her seat to face Bobby.

            "What Scott is trying to delicately hint at so as to spare my feelings is how Jean feels about my coming."

            "No! That's not...I..."

            "Scott! We've talked about this. It's okay."

            Bobby's head went back and forth between the two, as if he was watching a tennis match. Unwilling to be too caught up in the love triangle, he debated whether he should actually answer the question or not. Deciding that the sooner it was addressed, the sooner they could move on, he quickly interrupted Scott's stammering apology.

            "Yes. Jean is okay with Eve coming. Or, at least as okay as one would expect her to be."

            Scott glanced back at Bobby and quickly shut up. He turned his attention back to the road, but the passengers could tell his mind was a million miles away. They drove the rest of the way in silence, and Scott soon eased the Ferrarri into it's slot in the garage.

            "Wow." Eve stared dumbstruck at the cars and motorcycles surrounding her. 

            "Yeah. We have a lot of vehicles here." Scott unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door. He turned to Eve and winked at her. "Don't worry. Only some of them are mine."

            Eve didn't get a chance to respond before the door to the garage opened to allow a mass of screaming children race into the room. The kids went immediately to Scott. The first ones there enveloped him with hugs, while the others waited impatiently for their turn. Laughing at the spectacle, Eve turned toward the door to see the Professor wheeling out with a huge smile on his face. Jean and Ororo were behind him. 

            "C'mon. This will take awhile. I'll show you to the room you'll be staying in." Ororo smiled welcomingly at Eve and reached out to grab her suitcase from her. 

            "Thanks." Eve followed self-consciously, unsure if she should greet the Professor and Jean. Once again, the Professor took that choice away from her.

            _Welcome, Eve. I hope your trip was pleasant. If you need anything, please let me know. _Eve stumbled as she walked behind Ororo, but they were inside the building before she could figure out how she was supposed to respond. Once inside, all other concerns vanished from her mind, as she was too busy being awed by the simple, elegant beauty of the mansion.

            Ororo led the way to the main staircase and up to the second floor. Walking about halfway down the hallway, she stopped in front of a door on the left hand side. 

            "This will be your room. There is a bathroom attached, and there should be towels and other items in there. We're as good as any four star hotel." Eve laughed and followed the woman into the room. She gasped at the size of the room. 

            "Wow. It's beautiful."

            "Yes. It's our 'good' guestroom. The Professor wanted to give you the best visit possible." Ororo set Eve's suitcase down and headed to the door. "I'm sure you'll want to unpack and rest after the flight. Um, if you need anything, both Scott's and my room are on the far east end of the third floor. Or you can wander around downstairs. Someone is always down there, and everyone will be more than helpful. Or you can just _think _really loudly, and the Professor or Jean will come find you."

            "Jean's a telepath, too?" 

            "Didn't Scott tell you about our powers." 

            "He told me a little bit, but he mainly talked about his own and a little bit about the Professor's."

            "Oh, well. There are way too many children to tell you about all of theirs, so I'll concentrate on us adults. The Professor and Jean are both telepathic, and Jean is also telekinetic. Logan has advanced healing and senses and an adamantium - uh...metal- skeleton and claws. Those he was obviously NOT born with. Um...Kurt, besides having a physical mutation, can also teleport. And I control the weather."

            "Whoa."

            "In a word." Ororo smiled and reached for the doorknob. "I'll see you later, Eve."

                                                            *                      *                      *

            Twenty minutes after his return, Scott finally finished greeting all of the students that had raced out to meet him. Some were still hanging around, but most had moved onto other activities. The Professor and Jean were also still around, but he hadn't had the chance to speak with either of them. Suppressing the fourth yawn in as many minutes, Scott began to think longingly of his bed upstairs.

            "Alright, children. That's enough. Scott needs some time to unwind. He'll be here later, too." The Professor winked at him, and Scott thanked him profusely in his mind. Grabbing his bag, he bounded up the stairs to his room and was almost at the door before the thought that it wasn't just his room hit his stomach like a ton of lead.

            _Not anymore, Scott... _ Jean's voice, in his head for the first time since he recovered from his amnesia, was like a caress, and it brought back memories of other, more intimate times they spoke mind to mind.

            _What do you mean?_

_            I mean, I didn't want to put you in an uncomfortable position with me or with Eve. I moved most of my things into my old room, and I will move the rest out as soon as possible. _

_            I'm sorry, Jean._

_            Don't be. How many times will I have to tell you that?_

_            Well, I'm sorry you had to move out of your room._

_            Don't be silly. It was your room long before it was ours. _

Her presence left his mind, and he lost his balance at the shock of it. His heart and mind felt empty without her near it, and he almost instinctively reached out for her again. Restraining himself, he focused on getting inside, unpacking and lying down for a nap.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

            Jean sat on her old bed in her old room, staring blankly at the piles of clothes and other possessions she had moved into the room over the last couple of days. The clothes looked so foreign to her, as if they belonged to someone else - they belonged to Scott's Jean, who lived in the other, bigger room and got to cuddle up every night to the man she adored. 

            Jean had never felt so alone in her whole life.

            She curled up in a ball on the bedspread, clutching to her face the one piece of clothing that did feel right. And it felt right because it was an old flannel button up Scott used to wear when they were still in fashion. It had stopped smelling like him a while ago, but it still was the most comforting thing in the world to her.

            _Oh,God. What if he chooses her? Why shouldn't he? He obviously loves her very much. Too bad she's too nice to hate... God...I love him so much! I don't know what I'll do if he chooses her..._

It took Jean a full five minutes to realize that, although those thoughts reflected her own, they actually belonged to another. Eve had been projecting her pain so much that Jean picked them up unintentionally. Strangely, instead of feeling jealousy and fear toward the woman that could take Scott away from her, Jean actually felt really close to her. She lay on the bed, shocked by the thought that no one else besides Eve could possibly know what she was feeling. She felt sympathy toward the woman. Before she fully realized what she was doing, Jean stood up, left her room and all but ran to Eve's room.

            Now, standing in front of the door, Jean lost some of her courage. What if Eve didn't want to talk to her...the "other woman"? Why should she? _She can't read my thoughts and feelings. For all she knows I'm trying to sabotage Scott's feelings for her so I can have him back. _The fear in Jean's heart almost had her turning around to go back to her room, but the sound of heartbroken sobs stopped her. She quickly reached out and rapped her knuckles against the wooden door.

            A few minutes passed until the door finally opened. Eve had been clearly trying to get rid of the tears in her eyes and the streaks on her cheeks, but she had not succeeded. When she saw who had knocked, embarrassment stained her cheeks pink, while she stammered a greeting.

            "H-Hello, Jean."

            "Hi, Eve. Can I come in?" Confusion, curiosity and a little bit of fear warred in Eve's eyes, but the polite manners her mother taught her beat them all. Eve stepped a side and gestured with her hand. 

            "Please."

            Jean entered the room, walked a few steps and turned to face Eve as the other woman closed the door softly. They stood and stared at each other for a few seconds, both unsure of their standing. Finally, Eve went to sit down on the bed, and Jean sat down at the desk chair nearby. 

            "What can I do for you, Jean?"

            "Well." Jean drew in a deep, shaky breath, and Eve could tell how scared she was. "I don't know about you, but I don't want to be enemies, even if we are rivals in a way. You obviously mean very much to Scott, and I know that he has great judgment when it comes to friends. Therefore, I'm sure you're a lovely person, and I would like to be your friend, too."

            A dazzling smile flashed across Eve's face. "I would like that, too. I-I was afraid you hated me."

            "I did at first. And I don't know how I'll feel about you if Scott chooses you. But if he does, I still want to be a part of his life - and that means I'd have to be a part of your life, too. And from what I've seen, that won't be a bad thing."

            "I'm glad that we can both be adults about this. And, between you and me, you don't have anything to worry about." The pain was evident in Eve's voice, and it caused Jean to both feel sorry for her and have a surge of hope.

            "Let's make a deal, though. From now on, we can talk about anything and everything - except Scott's choice. That'd just be too uncomfortable for both of us."

            "Deal."

            Jean smiled and stood up. "Let's go into town for some coffee and 'girl talk'."

            Eve laughed and followed her out of the room.

                                                            *                      *                      *__

            Scott woke up well-rested from his nap and decided to grab some food. Practically skipping down the stairs, he made it to the kitchen in record time. Rounding the corner to the hallway leading to the kitchen, he could hear giggles. He smiled, picturing Rogue, Jubilee and Kitty in there talking about the boys. He froze at the sight of who actually was in there - Eve and Jean, covered in flour and stuffing their faces with the cookies they apparently just made.

            Jean saw him first and waved him toward the plate of cookies. 

            "Hi, Scott. Chocolate chip cookies?"  
            "Are they safe?" He smirked and both women glared at him. The synchronocity of their actions unnerved him for a second, but the appeal of the warm cookies were too much to ignore for long. Grabbing a few cookies, he stuffed one in his mouth and opened the fridge for a glass of milk. Turning back to face them, he pulled a third stool closer to him and sat down.

            "So...uh...what's up with you guys?

            Eve and Jean glanced at each other and smirked. "Oh, we went for coffee and went shopping." Jean grabbed another cookie. "And baked cookies."

            Scott looked concerned for a few minutes, obviously unsettled about how close the two women he loved were. But then he stopped to actually think about it. What was the problem? They were both amazing women - which was probably _why_ he loved them. He could totally see them being great friends if they had met under different circumstances. If they could get past the uncomfortableness of the situation they all found themselves in and become friends despite it, then he should be happy - not nervous.

            The three of them continued to eat cookies and talk about anything and everything. Eventually, Eve left to go take a nap, as she had not slept much the previous night. Jean and Scott were left to themselves in the kitchen, and a feeling of uncertainty fell over both of them. Now that they were alone, neither knew how to treat the other. Both were silent and couldn't bring themselves to meet the other's eye. Scott reached for another cookie.

            "You like them, huh?"

            "Yeah, you guys did a good job."

            "Either that, or it's your horrible sweet tooth rearing its ugly head." Scott smiled, and Jean laughed. But her teasing was enough to break the ice, and they were able to start talking again.

            "So...uh, how are you doing?"

            "Good. I'm glad you decided to come back to teach. I don't think I could have handled your 5th period math class anymore." Scott laughed.

            "Yeah...they're an interesting bunch. But I'm sure you did fine."

            "They missed you." Jean's smile faded as she looked away. Scott's smile also disappeared, knowing that his students weren't the only ones that missed him. He cleared his throat, desperately searching for something to say to get past the awkward moment. But Jean had other plans.

            "I-" She looked away, embarrassed. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But...could I...possibly...um, give you a hug?" 

            Scott's heart broke at her hesitant question. He hated himself for making her feel like she even had to ask.

            "Oh, Jean..." His voice broke, and he decided to just act instead of talk. That was, after all, practically standard operating procedure for Cyclops. Quickly standing, he was by her side in a second, pulling her to her feet into his arms. Wrapping her in his arms, he stroked her hair and whispered into her ear.

            "Jean, you never have to worry about asking me to be here for you. No matter what happens, you mean so much to me. If you need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on or a person to bitch at, please don't hesitate to come to me. For anything..."

            Unable to hold it in any longer, Jean burst into sobs, her body shaking violently against his. Jean would never be able to say for sure if she was crying because she was sad or because she was happy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

            Scott was awake, out of bed and halfway dressed into his battle gear until he realized that he wasn't sure why. Shaking the sleep out of his head, he realized the Professor must have called out to him and the rest of the X-Men. Reassured that he wasn't reacting to a nightmare, Scott finished dressing, made sure his visor was ready to go and quickly made his way to the hangar. He saw that he was the first one there and felt proud that he was still in top condition. 

            Hearing footsteps quickly making their way toward him, he turned to greet Jean, Ororo and Logan. The Professor was just a few feet behind them. 

            "I'm sorry to wake all of you up. I recently got a feeling that something was happening. I decided to check it out with Cerebo before alerting you. Apparently, Magneto and the rest of the Brotherhood have attacked in New York. I have already put the exact coordinates into the Blackbird's computer. Please go and try and stop whomever is still there, as well as clean things up."

            "Of course, Professor."

            On the plane, Scott took his seat at the controls with a great sense of homecoming. He had missed this ever since he remembered that he should be missing it. Being on a mission with his friends, flying this beauty, protecting innocent mutants and non-mutants from the Brotherhood. The joy in his heart at being on a mission only reaffirmed that he had made the right decision to return to Westchester.  This was his home. This was his life.

            But he still didn't know what to do about Eve. She was his life, too... 

            Shaking his head, he pushed those confusing thoughts away. It wouldn't do any of them any good if his mind wasn't on the mission at hand. Almost on autopilot, as if he hadn't been away from this for so long, he moved the basketball court covering the hangar, felt the plane shaking underneath him as its amazing power fought to be in the air where it belonged. Finally, they were in the night sky, slipping through clouds high above everyone else still asleep. 

            The flight did not take too long. Following the coordinates the Professor had given them, he and Ororo landed the plane down in an area just outside the main city. A large building that looked like an abandoned factory loomed in front of them, and Scott was almost sure that is where the members of the Brotherhood were holed up. 

            The X-Men quickly secured the plane and disembarked. Fanning out, they silently entered the building, instantly alert for any signs of life. When none were immediately apparent, Scott turned and indicated to his teammates that they should split up to consider searching. When he made sure they understood and had started on their way, Scott proceeded on his original path, a hand ready at the visor.

            Although the building was large, Scott quickly determined that no one was in the section he searched. He made his way back toward where they had split up and saw Ororo waiting for him. 

            "Anything?"

            "No one."

            Scott sighed, worrying his lip with his teeth as he thought about what to do next. It hadn't been the first time they were too late to a location to find any of the Brotherhood, but Scott felt like he hadn't done enough for his first mission back. He wanted to fight - wanted to play the hero, be active, feel the adrenaline racing through his body. Lost in his impatience with the mission, he almost missed Logan's return and started when the other man spoke behind him.

            "You guys find nothin' too?"

            Scott was about to respond when the explosion and Jean's subsequent scream rang in both his ear and in his brain. He broke out in a dead run down the hallway she had taken, the others close on his heels. The cool-under-pressure Cyclops inside of him kept telling him to be cautious - whatever caused Jean to scream could hurt him as well if he ran blindly into it. But scared Scott overruled Cyclops, and all he could do was try to get to Jean as fast as he possibly could.

            He finally turned the last corner and slid to a stop at the destruction that met him. The ceiling and walls at the end of the hall had collapsed - it looked like someone had placed bombs strategically along the hallway. A trap? Maybe...but Scott didn't care about that at the moment. He only cared about moving the rubble out of the way. With the three remaining X-men working together, it didn't take long at all to clear the debris away from Jean's battered, unconscious body. 

            He almost cried at the sight of her, and he was grateful for Ororo's presence. She immediately began to administer First Aid. 

            "I don't know. She needs more medical attention than I can give, but I think she's okay to move."

            Scott and Logan carefully lifted her and walked slowly out to the plane. Once on board, they laid her down near the medical equipment they keep on board for disastrous missions like this one. Ororo continued to care for her, while Scott and Logan flew as fast as possible toward the mansion.  The flight home seemed so much longer, and Scott ached to see the familiar lands and building - knowing that deep underground lay the equipment they needed to make Jean better. Finally they made it home, and Scott landed the plane in its hidden hangar faster than he ever had in his life.

            He wasn't surprised to see the Professor waiting for them when the doors opened; he knew the Professor would have known that Jean was hurt. He was slightly surprised to see Eve, but soon realized that she was the only doctor here...at least the only one who was currently conscious. When they reached the hospital area, Eve ordered everyone away. Scott wanted to fight her on it, but he didn't have the strength. Ororo had to practically drag him away, as he kept looking back with a stricken expression on his face.

            His heart ached so much thinking of Jean laying there hurt - possibly dying. Ever since he saw the wreckage in New York and knew that Jean was under it, he felt dead inside. He knew now that she was the one. He loved her so much, and now he might really lose her. It somehow seemed so much worse than when he thought she had died at Alkali Lake. At least then, he knew that she knew how he felt about her. Now, she could be dying without ever knowing that the love he had for her was stronger than death or amnesia. It was deeper than the love he felt for Eve, deeper than the love he felt for the students, for the rest of his teammates. She could die not knowing that, and he would never forgive himself. 

                                                            *                      *                      *

            It took Eve almost three hours to stabilize Jean. She wasn't out of the woods yet, but Scott had been allowed to come in and visit her. Now he was sitting at her bedside, oddly reminded of when she had been sitting by him in the hospital so recently. He had never felt so useless and afraid as he did right now, looking at the tubes connected to her and keeping her alive. The soft sounds of her breathing and the beep of the heart monitor were the only things comforting him enough that he didn't feel the need to start screaming and throwing things.

            Sighing, he felt the ever present tears well up in his eyes, and he reached out to grab her hand, which was lying limp at her side. He turned it over and started running his fingers slowly over her palm. Clearing his throat, he finally started talking to her. And when he started, the words just kept coming.

            "I'm sorry, Jean. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to save you from this. I'm sorry you're in pain. I'm sorry I had to put you through the months when I was gone. I'm sorry I had to put you through everything that's happened since I got my memory back. I'm sorry about my love for Eve."

            He sighed, feeling slightly guilty about the pain he knew he would be inflicting on Eve soon. He hated the thought of doing that to her, especially since he did love her and since she had helped him realize so many things about who he was. But he had finally realized that his love for her paled in comparison to what he had with Jean. He was meant to be with her, and he hoped this realization hadn't come too late.

            "I love you so much, Jean. I don't tell you that as often as I should. I don't do a lot of things for you as often as I should. You deserve so much, and I thank God every day that you don't realize that you deserve more than I could ever give you."

            The tears had started flowing, and he leaned forward to rest his forehead against her mattress. He clung hard to her hand as his other hand grabbed her bed sheets and balled them up in his fist. He no longer had the strength to speak, and now his pleas came out no louder than a whisper.

            "Please come back to me, Jean. I can't do this without you. You are my life, my whole world. I love you, I love you, I love you..."

            Sobbing now, he wasn't sure how long he stayed at her side. All he knew was that he woke up still lying face down on her mattress and feeling drained from the crying he had done. He sat up and rubbed furiously at his face. He slowly stood, feeling older than he ever felt in his life. He leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the forehead, released her hand and half-walked, half-stumbled upstairs to his room. _Our room. Please...let it be our room again..._

He flung himself onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling as if it had all the answers. Time seemed to stand still as he lay there, not noticing as the sun moved across the sky, forcing the shadows to move eerily across his room. He had no idea how long it had been since he had last seen anyone else besides Jean, or how long it had been since he had eaten. None of that really seemed to matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was lying downstairs, fighting for her life...which meant she was fighting for Scott's life, too.

            A knock interrupted his brooding. He slowly turned to face the door, but didn't have the strength to shout out to the person waiting outside. He didn't know if he even wanted to see whoever it was. But they seemed to not care that he hadn't invited them in, as the doorknob turned and the door creaked open.

            Eve stuck her head in the doorway, caught his eye and smiled. Scott didn't say anything, but she still came in, closed the door and sat at his side.

            "How are you doing?"

            Scott sighed. "Not good."

            "I figured. But she's going to be fine. And so are you." She reached out to squeeze his hand, smiling brightly to hide the tears in her eyes. "And so are the both of you."

            Scott pushed himself to his elbows, confused at her last statement.

            "As soon as Jean wakes up, I'm going to go home." Scott's eyes met hers, and she could see the guilt and pain tearing him up inside. The tears threatened to overflow. She hated herself for being so weak, but couldn't stop herself from leaning forward and giving him one last kiss.

            "I can see how much you love her, and how much she loves you. And I'm happy for the both of you. You are both amazing and deserve to be with each other. I knew it all along, but I came with you here because I didn't have the strength to give you up yet."

            She sniffed, and Scott pulled her forward into his arms, offering her comfort for the last time.   

            "I knew you would choose her. You never stopped choosing her - even when you didn't remember her. And I don't blame you for it. You would have to be insane not to love her."

            "I love you too, you know." Eve smiled and snuggled up closer to him, trying to burn the feel of his body and the sounds of those beautiful words coming out of his mouth into her memory. She would never love anyone like she loved him, but she knew he would never love anyone like he loved Jean. In a way, she had always known that their relationship would never last, but that didn't mean it wasn't killing her inside.

            "A part of me wishes I could hate the both of you. But I can't. You are my best friend. And a person can't help but love Jean."

            "A part of me wishes I could have remained Logan forever. He had a great future ahead of him."

            "You know it."

            They laughed, and both knew that they would get past this pain. 

            "I owe you so much, Eve. You gave me a life when I needed one."

            "I could say the same to you."

                                                            *                      *                      *

            The next day, Jean woke up. Eve, who had already packed her bags, watched from the door as Scott went in to talk to her. Seeing the smiles on both of their faces was the glue that bound the first two pieces of her broken heart back together. She bent down to pick up her suitcase, and quickly walked out of the mansion and toward the cab waiting for her. 

            She didn't bother to say goodbye, but she didn't think Scott would mind. They had said their goodbyes. They had been saying their goodbyes ever since Logan had left and Scott had returned. Eve was sick of goodbyes. 

            And, besides...part of her thought that this was just the beginning of her relationship with Scott and Jean. 

                                                *                      *                      *

            Jean looked up and saw Scott entering her room. A smile flitted across her face, quickly chased away by the pain racking her body.

            "Hi, Scott."

            "Hi, Jean. How are you feeling?"

            "Like a building fell on me."

            He smiled, but Jean could tell that his mind was on something else.

            "What is it?"

            Scott took a deep breath and started talking. "I'm sorry it took me so long...and that it took for you to be hurt for me to realize this, but I love you. You're the only person I'm ever meant to love. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. Can you ever forgive me?" He met her eyes, and she could see the fear of rejection in them. It brought her back to when they were first dating and he obviously was scared every day that she would end it. "Can you ever take me back?"

            She smiled.

            "You had to ask?" 

The End

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it!!


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